A recent post over at Mo-Wo’s Mother Woman about her angst of ‘letting the side down’ has gotten me thinking….is the princess thing really that bad? (and please my friend, correct me if I am wrong in my reading of your post)
Does it have to be feminism vs feminine?
There seems to be an air of failure when our daughters are going girly girl instead of bra burning.
I mean sure…the MARKETING and MANIPULATION by the retail industry is sneaky and underhanded…but Disney only figured the Princess thing a short while ago and so they really are not to blame….entirely for all of it.
But is our feminist ideals so threatened by some pinck froo froo and high heels?
Where is this baggage coming from? Are we so afraid of the power of the marketing? I am certainly not. I do not ever recall comparing myself to a Barbie doll. I do not ever remember feeling so insecure about my body or image and I grew up with a mom who always wore makeup and who dressed me!
Can we stop blaming the evils of our pop culture or the evils of child directed marketing and just parent our kids well enough that the colour of their outfit shouldn’t matter?
The fear of our daughters being too ‘feminine’ seems to have gone too far the other way. People go on about gender neutral toys and so forth..but they mean more ‘boy-like’ toys really.
Are you out of the feminist club if you shave your legs and wear skirts? Is there a memo I missed?
Dollies and Babies and Princesses seem to have been branded as the source of all evil in an almost evangelical way.
We didn’t MAKE our kids watch Disney movies….infact neither of them are particularly interested. It just happens that they have PRINCESSES and that is what my daughter likes right now.
She likes PINK. Lots of it. She likes tiara’s and purses and high heels and to prance around the house like that.
I was never THAT into it. I liked playing dress up as a kid….but it ranged from fairies and princesses to anything really that allowed me to wear a big flouncy dress.
I also played soldiers with my cousins.
Caity plays dinosaurs and so far her FAVORITE video game is a racing game.
To me she seems pretty well rounded. For a 3.5 year old girl.
And that is what we need to remember. She is a girl. A 21st Century girl. Free to explore a new world. Yes the world can be a dangerous and scary place…..but SHE can be whatever she wants to be in this world. THAT is the most important lesson.
So if she wants to venture to Mars…she can wear a pink space suit if she wants to.
It is her choice.
BetteJo says
There seems to be a lot of debate on this subject, especially around Christmas when Tonka put out some ads directed at boys, and that pink kitchen thing was marketed to girls. So? I mean really. Nature vs. nurture – blah de blah. We’re different.
I wouldn’t stop my boy from playing with the kitchen or my daughter from playing with the trucks.
The marketing I am worried about comes in teen magazines and the rest of the media portraying impossible images of perfection our girls are supposed to become. That is scary.
Barbies and G.I. Joes? Not so much.
MOobs says
When feminism succeeds won’t part of the victory be that little (and not so little) girls will be free to be who they want to be rather than who they are expected to be?
Nicole says
The problem with the debates on feminism is that feminism is perceived as this united theory – and its not. There are a lot of different branches of feminism and I’m not about to hijack your block by going into it here. Suffice it to say, put 10 feminists in a room, and you’ll come up with at least 10 versions of feminism.
What these different brands of feminism share (IMHO) is that the way women were treated (e.g. – being the primary caregiver, etc) removed their ability to choose. And the fight isn’t necessarily for specific rights, except for the right to choose your own path in life. You can’t separate likes and dislikes from what might be socially accepted (or not) – likes and dislikes are personal.
So your daughter likes pink – big deal. She likes dinosaurs too – big deal. I happen to like pink and dinosaurs too. And hockey and figure skating.
I think, when we start focusing on the symbols, we lose sight of the true meaning. Not to say that symbols aren’t important, but we need to get back to what the feminist movement is really about.
So much for not hijacking your blog 🙂
Loralee says
Some of the feminist movement pisses me off. I feel strongly about this subject because have had PLENTY of negative emails from woman because I live in one of the most conservative states in the union, was raised in a very conservative religion, am a SAHM AND opted to surgically “Reclaim my bosoms”.
Pretty much a feast for getting picked on.
Dude. I liked my chest before they deflated and made me the white equivalent of a National Geographic cover. I wanted them back.
I CHOSE TO DO IT. Nobody made me and nobody stopped me.
I did what I wanted to do.
I feel the same way about Pink Princesses and having a career vs. staying at home.
You should be able to make the choice without being held down or restricted by anyone, INCLUDING OTHER WOMEN.
The choice should be yours, not dictated by someone else.
To me, that is what being a true feminist IS.
Sorry for the caps. I get a little heated on this issue.
Skittles says
Caity makes a beautiful princess!
I never wanted to look like a Barbie doll either. I don’t know where all that crap is coming from.
Lisa says
interesting…..I’ll have to go visit mo-wo’s site as after your post, We’ve Come A Long Way Baby, on Wetcoastwomen, my husband and I had a LONG discussion about feminism and how to raise our daughter so she’ll have a clear identity as a strong independent woman. Both of us felt that the whole Disney Princess franchise, could easily play a large role in the “saved by the knight in shining armour” fantasy that many women seem to have these days. We’d also heard on a local radio station about a new men’s blog in which men feel the need to know a woman’s debt and net worth before beginning a relationship after meeting so many women who had racked up debt and had the perception that their future spouse would “take care of it” for them. So really….how far have we really come.
Is Cinderella really the role model we want for our girls?
Crunchy Carpets says
Wow…LOVING the discussion here..
BetteJo..I agree..the teen stuff and the obsession with celebrities is more of a concern to me too.
MOoBs…I think you are totally correct.
And yes Nicole…since women are all different from all walks of life..the views on feminism seem to be everywhere…the extremism is what is putting off young women today. More women NOW say they don’t want to be ‘branded’ with the image of being a ‘feminist’..it has become a negative thing..NOT GOOD.
All right Loralee…you go! And yes..I remember when I first started the sahm track..how so many people..men and women would right me off…I was not worth speaking to…like my brains had been sucked out because I was at home with my kids.
A choice I was LUCKY to be able to make IMO.
Thank Skittles…I gotta tape her for you guys in full princess mode!
And Lisa….while I think the roles portrayed in these shows are not positive – they are not realistic either. The same could be said for so many adult programs that we all profess to love too. Soaps, Desperate Housewives, Grays Anatomy…all (imo) portray women in a very false way and nothing that I want my kids to think THEY have to be like.
However….again…I think the ‘damgage’ could only really arise from whatever ‘issues’ already are within that girl or her family and so on.
I grew up reading books where it seemed that only the exciting and fun stuff happened to upper middle class English girls. When we played we were all English…because nothing happened to Scottish girls.
But does this stick with me? I don’t think so? Do I feel now that I would only have adventures if I was English? No.
How are the much older stories that are co-opted by Disney any worse than any romance book or movie out there?
Do we read or watch these shows thinking THAT is real and if only we were blonde and skinny with big boobs that THAT would happen to us? No.
And yes..about the money thing. I think that actually has sprung from the total mutation of what ‘having it all’ is supposed to mean.
Women are being much more like guys in the sense that ‘playing the field’ is fine and ok as long as you can. Women stay single. Women party. Women have many many relationships.
Then something seems to ‘impell’ them to settle down quick…and being that they have been partying they now want a daddy to look after them.
Is that Cinderella or Sex and the City?
Also why do we seem to fear more what influences our daughters compared to our boys?
Wendy says
You know what is really funny? My son plays baby and kitchen, often. Although, lately the stroller has become a tool for his indoor derby.
My daughter is all over the pretty dresses and princesses. Now, as a big girl (5 yr old) she wants to play with the girls. She is talking about models and more teenage things.
I think children have to go through all this role play to find where they fit. There is still alot of growing up these kids need to do. If you restrict one section of culture then you do a disservice to your child. You are not letting them decided to be a princess or truck driver and really that is all playing is teaching them.
corgimom says
My son makes a beautiful princess and a handsome working man, and each day what he chooses is who he is.
He has two moms who both believe that feminism totally means “Don’t try to tell me who I am, and whoever I am is NOT less than who you are.”
Gosh, if we were all raised that way nobody would need to state such obvious concepts.
mo-wo says
thanks for the additional commentary on this stuff.. CC. My message didn’t quite come through because, actually, I have only told half the story. I am trying to find the time to get to part 2 — the prequel.
I certainly didn’t mean that being a feminist means not being feminine.. exactly the opposite. I feel I am coming into a realization that I don’t put on many feminine airs in front of my daughter and I don’t like that. In the face of other influences basically — I think mine is important. More important than any princess wars. Yes I am a bit slow.
But me? versus Cinderella? I AM a bit intimidated.
More to come.
ps… and boys/girls… seems every little boy I know is pretty keen to dress up like a princess, too… so you tell me — what’s up with that?