So while I suppose I could be sulking that my Mother’s Day is not filled with brunches in restaurants surrounded by screaming kids and mom’s pretending they are having a lovely day, or sulking at the lack of flowers or spa treatments, etc….I won’t.

I won’t sulk because there was no breakfast in bed or that my house looks like a war zone.

I recall it being against the law to clean the bathroom on Mother’s Day.

I won’t sulk though.

I have a great mom who gave me a card saying I was a better mom than she was..which is total bull, but I am glad that I have her fooled.

Today Crunchy Husband spends Mother’s Day helping his brother clean out his childhood home. The home of his mother. The mother that died last year.

He is going through piles of stuff….the flotsam and jestam of a life that was done to early. Too soon.

He is spending his weekend looking at the things that were important to his mom to hang on to…even if it seems insignificant to us now…it was too important for her to let go. There are receipts, cards, photos,…everything.

I wish I could be there today for him. He really needs someone there to help…to control the emotion…to stay on track….to step away from the memories.

But ours kids do not have the patience for such jobs. Even when I was giving them jobs yesterday….they were getting impatient and cranky.

I hate not being able to help him.

I will do my best to keep the home front organized and to not be TOO snarky with the kids and keep them busy.

I will just be there for him….on Mother’s Day.

I really am not the person I used to be.

No..not transformed by being a mom etc…I just don’t have it together like  I used to.  And it bothers me.

I received an e-vite though urbanmoms.ca to attend a skin care product launch down at a big department store downtown.

The instructions WERE a bit vague..but I also didn’t clarify them like I should.  I didn’t RESEARCH it enough.

This is unusual for me.

I invited my mom to come with me.

We went early so we could have dinner and a blether.

And blether we did.  FOR A LONG TIME.

NO interruptions.  No topics off limits.  We just enjoyed each others company.

It was a real pleasure for me.

Then we went to find the ‘event’….it wasn’t where it should have been.  I could not think of where else it SHOULD have been.

We left.

I think we just looked in the wrong places.

I feel dumb.

But I wasn’t that disappointed.  I spent an evening with my mom.   With no time constraints and we were totally relaxed.

I suppose that was our Mother’s Day treat.

So.   I am not the same person I used to be.   I am way more flaky and forgetful.  I lose things.  I don’t plan things out like I did.

People look shocked at my mess up’s.

They expect more from me.

However.  I find that these ‘changes’ don’t really bother me as much as they should, or would have.

I am a lot more RELAXED about stuff than I used to be.  I don’t freak as much about everything being ‘just so.’

Crunchy Husband will laugh hilariously about this…but really…compared to ‘before’…I am waaay more relaxed about things.

Life changes us.

Ages changes us.

Circumstances change us.

That is cool.

*****

These amazing women started up this site  called glow in the woods.

It is for mom’s like me who have suffered a loss of a child one way or another.

It is a beautiful site.  Perfect in my eyes.

It feels safe and comfortable and  gentle.

It doesn’t overwhelm you with each other’s grief.   But the love and support that is felt there is like a warm hug.

Reading through the site and peoples posts and discussions was soothing to me.

I am in a good place these days and I want to build on that and create some sort of reserve of strength, calm and happiness.

I think that site will be a HUGE help to me.

****

I am also still twittering like mad.   Please find me so we can follow each other.

I have also noticed a growing increase in letters from PR companies wanting me to talk about their stuff on my sites.

Now…if a product or service is cool or useful,  I don’t mind doing this.  However, it IS free advertising and free flogging of something and I don’t really feel THAT generous all the time.  I also LOVE doing book reviews etc…Just have been a tad lazy lately.

So PR people…I know I am not one of the big guns out there..but please either offer to PAY me some sort of advertising fee OR offer some sort of special deal to my readers..SOMETHING.

‘Kay…that is all for now.

Following up the post about the upcoming War Bride Exhibit, my own Mom decided to share with us, the story of how HER mom and dad met.

Thanks Mom.

I am the daughter of a WWII ‘War Bride’. My Scottish mother met my father, a Canadian soldier, at “The Palais De Danse” in Edinburgh during one of his leaves. The Palais had seen better days. It used to be quite grand apparently. It had a sprung dance floor and a balcony running around the large floor where you could watch the dancers. Before the war people used to arrive in carriages, and fur and jewel bedecked women swanned in on the arms of handsome tuxedo clad men, or so I am told. The wars changed all that and in the 1940’s it was a hang out for the ‘sojers’ to meet Scottish lassies. I just remember it as a place to go “dancin’” and meet boys in the 1960’s. It had a bad reputation by then and I was not supposed to go but did anyway. Sadly it closed down and became, like many others, a Bingo Hall. I don’t know even if it is still there.

My dad was not a dancer, being a big Saskatchewan farm boy, but he wanted to meet girls so made himself go. On this occasion he looked ‘across a crowded room’ and spotted my mum and her lovely, auburn hair and was instantly smitten. He plucked up courage to go over and ask her to dance. He remembers the song that they danced to was Bing Crosby singing “Where the Blue of the night meets the gold of the day, someone waits for me”. He tells me that after they met, they were inseparable and every leave he got was spent in Edinburgh with my mum. You have to realize that this was war time and a different generation, the blackout was on, no lights allowed anywhere, no sign posts, food and clothing rationing and people being shipped out at a moments notice.

They were married in 1943 in my mum’s house by the local minister. Being war time, it was very difficult to find nice things and my mum was married in a short, pale blue rayon dress and she could only find a pair of heavy shoes to wear with it. Of course Dad was in his uniform. It was even difficult to find enough ingredients for a wedding cake with the severe rationing that was in place at the time. I was born in 1944 in Edinburgh while dad was away and he actually didn’t get to see me until I was 1 year old.

The war ended in 1945 and dad was sent back to Canada to be demobbed. He bought a veterans house in Vancouver and sent for my mum and I to join him in 1946. We sailed from South Hampton on the Queen Mary which was almost brand new but still fitted out for war service. My mum thought it was very grand and sent a post card of the ship to her mother, my granny, saying they were having ‘a swell time’ with plenty to eat and cheap cigarettes or ‘fags’ as she called them!

Imagine a ship full of hundreds of women and children all leaving their homes for new lives with husbands they hardly knew to live in a huge, strange land. How brave they all were, I don’t think we’ll see the like again. We landed at Pier 21 in Halifax and then my mum had to face a four day train journey across Canada with a two year old! The train was packed with other war brides and children who were dropped off as they crossed the continent, some in the middle of nowhere in the prairies. My mother was lucky she was going to Vancouver and a comfortable home.

We were only reunited with my father a short time when it was discovered that my mum had contracted TB. She was hospitalized and my Scottish granny came out in 1947 to look after me and keep house while she was in hospital. My mum was in hospital for 5 years during which time I was not allowed to visit her, only see her through a window several floors up. She died in 1952 age 32 never having seen any more of Canada other than what she had during her train trip. I was 8 years old and had only had my mum for 3 years. My granny wanted to return to Scotland and wouldn’t leave without me so my dad let me go and we left for Scotland later that year.

I am now living in Vancouver having immigrated with my own daughter in 1981 and I have nothing but admiration for all those brave war brides who have helped make Canada the wonderful country that it is. I only wish my mum could have been here with me to see it all.

Her Bad Mother, Mrs. Chicky, and Mrs. Chicken AND Girls Gone Child AND Left Coast Mama are expanding their bellies and families….(who else am I missing!!)

Going from one to two is a big deal. You almost feel like you need permission from the ‘parents police’ to check to make sure you actually haven’t totally screwed up the first one and are actually allowed to do it again.

You usually one to go from one to two because no 1 was SUCH AN EASY BABY or you were too drunk for birth control…

We went ahead with no. 2 because we really were having a lot of fun being parents and figured we could not do worse.

And I really don’t think you do.

Parenting is sooo different the second time around.

You are way more relaxed. Things ARE easier..even with a jealous rug rat running around.

The biggest thing is having a bit of a plan and lots of help.

Forget the cleaning and stuff…we focused on making sure that no. 1 child had LOADS of attention and fun while I was stuck in a chair feeding or cuddling or whatever…no sorry..no sleep. Not unless you can coordinate naps…and only if no. 1 child still naps.

But have dad focus on no. 1 child a lot.

It really did work for us.

Maybe too much, our kids have HUGE egos.

It is a whole new experience with no. 2. You are a different person this time around. You are not a ‘new’ parent..you are a PARENT…A PROFESSIONAL. HAHAHAHAHAHA….ahem…

Well, people think you are and so you tend to NOT get all the same ‘helpful’ advice with no. 2.

And your house gets messier.

And messier.

And you get messier..but you are a MOM so everyone should worship at your fertile feet!

And you have to fit more creatures in your bed and lap and figure out things like how to read TWO bedtime stories at the same time.

It is fun. And a bit chaotic.

Go with the flow.

And don’t be sweating with all ‘by the book’ stuff…go with YOUR instincts on this one.

Heck..we had so much fun we tried for no. 3. We may try again.

We still feel we need to add to the chaos.

So ladies….enjoy and have fun.

Eat lots of take out and let everyone else do all the worrying.

Just remember….things change and flow all the time…..go with that!

And no…it must be due to the prescription drugs I am on..that and some good sleep perhaps!?

I woke up in the middle of the night with a really crappy headache.  I grabbed a Tylenol 3 as I while I knew there was an Imitrex SOMEWHERE in the house, I wasn’t sure where.

So, I passed out with that sucker, but still had the headache.  Adam woke up TOTALLY cranky and he has the same cough I do, so we agreed he could stay home - as long as they BOTH promised to lay low - which they sort of did,  and I managed to rest VERY well after taking the newly found Imitrex pill.

I got up around 11 and have been hanging with the kids…messing around.  Watching tv, and feeling really really good.

Heh.

Like TOTALLY relaxed.  Even the mess in this house has not soured my mood.

Weird

It has been busy around here too…and fun busy.

Tuesday night I got myself organized to head down to Sophia’s Books for the great Rockabye Book Signing with the gorgeous author Rebecca Woolf! That is the Ms Woolf or Girl’s Gone Child fame.

She had her friend/assistant/troublemaker Dana of Bite My Cookie hanging with her…another new blogger from the West for me to meet.

I had the honour of driving Mo-Wo of Mother Woman down there.

(there are a LOT of links in this post….wow!)

Aaaand Gwen of Left Coast Mama ANOTHER WetCoast Woman was there!  So WCW were REPRESENTIN!!!!!

And thank you Gwen for a FLATTERING (sort of) photo of me with the lovely Rebecca.

Here is Ms. Woolf while reading from Rockabye….am reading the book right now and she is so good.  So honest.  Wow.

Anyway.

Mo-Wo sounded like she had sort of plans with R and D and so me being me…invited myself along!

I used my car as a lure!

The southerners were chilly!

Anyway (again)….I had a great time.   Rebecca and Dana are a hoot and nice, and friendly and funny and kind and yadda yadda…you who have met them already know this.  I don’t ‘hang’ with Mo-Wo enough and so that is always a pleasure too!

I feel really honoured to meet them and really hope I can meet more bloggy ladies..including the rest of my WetCoastWomen crew and all the others that I link to and read….MILLIONS!

I hope they enjoyed Vancouver.

Wednesday…I could barely speak after my ‘wild’ night out and my yucky cough.

We had a meeting with Caity’s Preschool teacher about her not wanting to attend.  They are convinced it is a phase.  They want us to stop being so wishy washy.  We will try.  But both CH and I have the same misgivings…but are willing to give it one more chance.

She has been VERY clingly lately….a new thing for her.

And naked.

A lot.

We then got the Nana to watch them and headed down to attend our first WordCamp.

Miss 604 - Rebecca Bollwitt - explains it the best with her live blog of the event.

It was a packed room with laptops littering the floor.  There was much live blogging, twittering and insta photosharing going on.

I quite enjoyed the presentation about development and design…encouraged me to learn MORE.

I was quite happy to meet Lisa of MostlyLisa and Miss604 herself.

I (there is a lot of ‘I’ here today)  can’t say I learned anything spectacular, but enjoyed seeing an enthusiastic local crowd of Worpressers, and I do plan on trying to attend more local ‘techie’ things too.

Sooooo….

Apart from the migraine this morning, things are going pretty good.

Or at least we ain’t stressing about it all anyway….and that is they do it!

The latest Installation piece by Caity…I think it shows the teeming rage and violence faced by a preschooler today…or her just saying ‘Don’t Fuck with me.’

She really can look like an angel, can she not?

This morning…..she was up and ready to face the day… I was busy hauling Adam’s dozy butt out of bed….Caity remarks: ” CHRISSAAKES, is HE making a fuss again???”

Hem…

Random order here….

1) Based on the freaky dream last night of sitting watching trailers of fictitious and strange Hugh Jackman movies - I must have a thing for him and remind myself to not eat Liquorice Allsorts and drink Scotch at the same time.

2) Housework escapes me.

3) Feeding my kids sometimes also escapes me.

4) I am not really a people person. In real life…I tend to get a bit edgy and snarky. Sorry. I noticed this in my handling of confusion regarding the soccer game event thingie on Saturday and my lack of owning a schedule or getting a clear time or overview from any of the other mom’s and the coach. I was snarky. Sports things escape me (sense the pattern here!?). I am not a group person or a joiner. The cushion of the internet makes life a lot easier for me. Real life is harder. Talking to other mom’s is hard for me. Doing the whole mom organize your kids life is hard for me.

I should live in the woods and home school my kids. No offense to home home schoolers…I an in awe of them.

5) I may be smarter than I think I am. Or I am really good at not only fooling others, but myself. Example. My husband is a clever man. Strangely he values my opinion and advice on topics that tend to be a bit ‘big’ for me. He has me participate in design and development meetings. People LISTEN to me!

I swear, there was a moment on Friday during a meeting where I had a total disconnect between what was coming out of my mouth and what was in my head. In my head I had been doing that multitasking mom thing…half listening and half thinking of what I had to do next in the day, and I think, my grocery list too. But apparently..I was listening enough and understanding enough to actually speak words that made sense and didn’t make all the clever techie design people either roll their eyes or fall about in hysterics.

Go figure.

The evisceration of Dana over on BlogHer this weekend reminded me of the whole ‘comfort’ level thing.

While Crunchy Husband and I will cover almost any topic under the sun…politics, religion, science and all the offshoots of said areas with glee and gusto…and will discuss and debate these issues with close friends too with as much glee and gusto…I tend to suddenly clam up online. Even in the ’safety’ of my blog, I tend to veer from speaking about my views on politics or world issues.

I am not sure why. I love a good debate. I love the passion that arises from a good debate. I have been on forums where we all let loose and loved every minute of it and tend to not take it personally either.

I also will take a trouncing….if someone can out debate me on an issue…YOU win! I will stew and sulk..but I am ok with it.

So why…why can I not do this on my websites? What stops me. What holds me back?

One thing is that the blogosphere is dominated by US politics. The areas I am hanging in anyway. I feel a bit intrusive to chuck my Canadian two cents in. I sadly do not pay enough attention to my OWN politics..apart from the civic stuff…that gets my goat big time.

I also feel that I am not really up on how it all works. But. How else do we learn? How else do we expand our horizons? We have to push ourselves into new territory….as frightening as it is….

And really, my own blog should be the perfect platform…should it not?

I gotta work on that.

Anyway, I gotta get back to kitty litter cleaning and laundry doing…

Go Moms Go!

Really…is all the medias focus on ‘ecoliving’ REALLY going to save the planet?

In Vancouver ‘EcoDensity’ is a catch phrase being used by our City.  They want us to live in smaller places.  Is more people in less space really the answer?

The term Eco is being bandied about by everyone.  The media filled with ‘ban the plastic bags’ or ‘build a community garden.’

I do wonder.  I wonder if it isn’t like the moral machines during WW2.  In the UK they had people donate their ’scrap’ metals…pots, pans etc., to ‘help’ manufacture more weapons and so on for the war effort.

The majority of this stuff just went into the junk heap.  But it galvanized people and made them feel useful during a time of helplessness and fear.

I wonder if all our little efforts are really the same thing.

Especially when the bigger picture is so much more complicated.

Like this for instant.

Biofuel.  The new way to save our cars.   Except now it is starving people.  And they say this is not just affecting those in the third world.  This hits us too.  And not just in the pocket book as costs of food rise..but in real shortages of basics as the producers of these grains turn to the more lucrative biofuel market.

Is this something in North America we have EVER imagined?

We have hybrid cars..but are they REALLY the answer…seems more like a faint nod in the right direction, especially after the demise of the far more sensible Electric Car.

Then we have the US Governments push for the Hydrogen Fuel.  Why?  Because the fossil fuel companies/gas companies could easily take this over as their own baby…leaving them to run the filling station and the processing and keep the money in THEIR pockets.

It has already been shown to be a totally impractical solution for keeping all our SUV’s on the road.

Don’t get me wrong.  I love my big car.   I love driving.

I hate transit.  Especially in the lower mainland.

I am lazy and not doing my part….I will freely admit that.

I do recycle.

I do only wash with cold water.

I hang stuff to dry.

But I keep thinking that no matter what we all do on the small scale won’t trickle UP to the big boys…the governments, the business..the corporations that really run the world.

Where are the power companies answers to the problems.  Why are we NOT using solar and wind power and water turbines…the technology is out there.  But the big boys don’t use it.

Why?

I know I sound like a bit of a conspiracy theorist….but you gotta wonder.

I was watching a documentary where they were interviewing some of the THOUSANDS of American Troops coming home with missing arms, legs, eyes, etc.

Thousands.

For what.  These young people went into a military for mostly good and honest reasons.   They were sent into a totally constructed conflict.  A war based on business.

They are coming home in bits.

For what? What are they fighting?

The word ‘Insurgent’ is used primarily to give us the impression that this is a conventional war with one ‘foe.’

But who are they fighting?

And while this goes on and on.

Billions spent.  Lives destroyed.  I am thinking of  the civilians of Iraq.  The people trying to feed their kids.  And the troops coming back in bits and in body bags.

And while this goes on the airwaves, twitter, facebook, blogs etc, etc is FILLED with discussion about American Idol, The Bachelor, Big Brother…..etc.

The Democratic Race comes popularity and zeal AFTER the reality shows.

Admit it.

And in the meantime it all rolls on.

Canada said no to Iraq.  We took on Afghanistan.

That place is a hell hole and a mess.

But I do believe that we need to be there.  For the people.

We need to help them.

And then I suppose we will have to move on to the next mess.  Darfur perhaps?

All these people.  All these places.  All the horror.

And we roll on here.

And I wonder what will be.

What world are our children going to be dealing with.  How much worse can it really get?

Really!  Go see Wet Coast Women….another NEW look!

This time by Judith Shakes Designs……

A fantastic team to work with.  Courtney has been VERY patient with me!

Anyway…I have lots of ideas and things to do with Wet Coast and hopefully this design will help me and help the site become bigger and better.