Crunchy Carpets

Clean socks are a privilege, not a right

I Held You in my Arms…

by 91 Comments

….but you were already gone.

I held you in my arms, but it was too soon for us to meet.

I held you in my arms, and now I miss you so much.

Goodbye baby Scott.

December 6, 2007

 

On Wednesday I went to see my ob/gyn about my cough.   While there we checked for a heartbeat.  There was none.  I was rushed to the ultrasound place.   Many grim faces.  No reassurances.  Told to head right back to the doctors office. 

I was with my mom at the time.  Was told it appeared the baby had been gone for at least  10 days.  As long as this stupid cough had lasted.  I had been so sick I had barely noticed the total lack of movement.

Was rushed to the hospital to deliver my little angel.

He arrived on Thursday morning.   He looked perfect.  Tiny.   Beautiful.

I am only posting because I can’t sleep anymore.   And the quiet haunts me.  

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About Kerry Sauriol

Mother, Blogger, Social Media Consultant

Reader Interactions

Comments

  3. Crazy Working Mom says

    Oh, my dear sweet friend…I am so sorry to read these words. I can only imagine your pain. My brother and his wife went through the same thing two years ago. At this very difficult time all I can offer you is my sorrow and condolences.

    Reply

  6. Maddy says

    I am truly sorry for your loss and I do know exactly how that feels. Although I have four healthy children I had countless miscarriages inbetween. Actually I can count every single one I just don’t want to admit how many.
    Sincere best wishes

    Reply

  10. Polliwog says

    My heart is breaking for you. I am so very sad for the loss of your perfect little angel Scott. I will light a candle for him and say prayers. My love is with you and your family. I am so so sorry Kerry.

    Reply

  11. Erika Jurney, Plain Jane Mom says

    Oh no Kerry. I can’t stand it. After all you have been through this year it was supposed to get better. This was supposed to be your special prize. And poor Scott missing having you as his Mom here on earth. There is nothing like this. I just can’t stand it for you.

    Reply

  15. Marilyn says

    Oh my goodness. My heart fell as I read this and I truthfully haven’t been following along (followed link from Plain Jane Mom) but my heart goes out to you. I too lost a baby, at 38 weeks pregnant but no more heart-wrenching. I think about how I felt then, how I feel now about it, and want to send many thoughts and prayers your way, for you and your family. I can’t imagine what this will do for your holiday. If you ever need to talk, need someone to listen or anything, please look me up.

    Reply

  21. DD says

    I don’t even know what to say, and really what could there to say that would even remotely take away the pain? I’m just so very sorry.

    Reply

  25. Loralee says

    I am so very sorry for your loss. I am here via Marilyn. I know that I do not know you, but when I lost my 4 month old, it was helpful to me to have mothers around me that had similar losses. You are not alone and I can tell you are very loved.

    Scott was blessed to have you as his momma.

    Reply

  26. mo-wo says

    Honey. Thank you for tell us about him. I can imagine him. A pretty little angel. Know with each thought of the angels this Christmas I’ll be whispering a little prayer of love for the little guy. I can’t imagine the breaking of hearts for his loss from your special dear family. Love to you all from all of us.

    You’ll sleep again. I suppose. Tell us as little or as much serves you, honey.

    Big kiss on the forehead.

    Reply

  29. sweetsalty kate says

    Sadness, such sadness for you. It’s just so wrong. No one should have to go through this, but we do, a whole army out here of mamas with holes in our hearts.

    I know you’re still too raw, but there is a certain magic that will keep him near you, watching you, loving you. It ebbs and flows but it is palpable.

    Wishing this kind of magic for you, and eventual peace. I’m so sorry.

    Reply

  31. QuiltNut says

    Kerry, my heartbreaks for you and your family. i don’t even know what to say, i keep checking back here hoping it really isn’t true. i’m so sorry. thoughts and prayers for all of you

    Reply

  32. Budgie Mom says

    I am so very sorry Kerry. My heart goes out to you and your family right now. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers right now. You have my deepest condolences.

    Reply

  38. Valerie (LeMom) says

    Kerry, i am so terribly sorry for your loss. My heart breaks for you.
    ((HUGS)) and love to you and your family.

    Reply

  39. Hol says

    My heart aches for you. I’m so sorry. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. May God hold you in His hand and give you peace.

    Reply

  44. Bon says

    Kerry…i’ve been here before but never commented. Mo-Wo linked us together in her post about Scott…and i am so sad to be delurking in this way.

    i am glad you got to hold him. i know how much you miss him, and you will for a long, long time…all the things he was and could have been. i am so, so sorry.

    Reply

  45. SL's Mom says

    Kerry….I am so very sorry. There is nothing I can say that will ease your pain, but please know that you and your family and in my thoughts and prayers during this very difficult time.

    Blessings!

    Reply

  46. celebrate woo-woo says

    I’m visiting by way of a link from Charming Driver.

    I can’t even express in words how sorry I am to hear you’re going through this experience. I’m just so very sorry. Take care of yourself.

    Reply

  47. cheri22 says

    I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Saw your post in Second tri and located your blog through Quiltnut.
    My deepest condolences to you for your loss. I know that no words expressed here can really take away the pain you must feel.

    Reply

  55. lisalonglash says

    Oh, Kerry, I’m so very very sorry for your loss :o( If there is anything at all, anything, please let me know. My heart is just breaking for you… Hugs.

    Reply

  73. Anjer from TP says

    Oh Kerry…

    My heart aches so terribly for you. Today should have been your day to move to 3rd, and it’s just not right or fair…

    My sincerest sympathies to you and your family on the loss of Scott. May you hold him dearly in your hearts forever.

    Reply

  78. Kai says

    Oh Kerry. I don’t know what I can possibly say that hasn’t already been said. Please know you are in my thoughts, and you have my deepest sympathies.

    Reply

  80. terri c says

    Came over from Shan’s place. There really are no words–“I’m sorry” seems so lame and yet I am–beyond sorry–because this loss is such an awful one. My heart goes out to all of you.

    Reply

  83. ChickyMama says

    I haven’t checked your blog in several days, and when I read of your loss, my breath caught in my throat and my knees buckled. I am so very sorry to hear of your loss. You and your family are in our thoughts and prayers during this most difficult time.

    Reply

  85. kittenpie says

    CC – I am so sorry I missed this and come belated to say how very, very sorry I am to hear this news. I can’t even imagine how terrible. I know I can’t offer you solace, but I send you many, many virtual hugs.

    Reply

  87. jmb says

    Crunchy, I am so sorry for this. I had no idea this had happened. I know there is nothing I can say to make you feel better, but know that I am thinking of you and your family.
    jmb

    Reply

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