….but you were already gone.
I held you in my arms, but it was too soon for us to meet.
I held you in my arms, and now I miss you so much.
Goodbye baby Scott.
December 6, 2007
Â
On Wednesday I went to see my ob/gyn about my cough.  While there we checked for a heartbeat. There was none. I was rushed to the ultrasound place.  Many grim faces. No reassurances. Told to head right back to the doctors office.Â
I was with my mom at the time. Was told it appeared the baby had been gone for at least 10 days. As long as this stupid cough had lasted. I had been so sick I had barely noticed the total lack of movement.
Was rushed to the hospital to deliver my little angel.
He arrived on Thursday morning.  He looked perfect. Tiny.  Beautiful.
I am only posting because I can’t sleep anymore. Â And the quiet haunts me. Â
TheQueen says
Awful awful awful. Sad! I am so sorry.
shaz says
oh no Kerry. I am soooo sorry. take care.
Crazy Working Mom says
Oh, my dear sweet friend…I am so sorry to read these words. I can only imagine your pain. My brother and his wife went through the same thing two years ago. At this very difficult time all I can offer you is my sorrow and condolences.
Michelle says
So very sorry to hear of your loss. Mourning hearts are fragile, please take care of yours.
Noella says
I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you and your family.
Maddy says
I am truly sorry for your loss and I do know exactly how that feels. Although I have four healthy children I had countless miscarriages inbetween. Actually I can count every single one I just don’t want to admit how many.
Sincere best wishes
Wendy says
I am so sorry. So, so very sorry.
NotAMeanGirl says
I am so sorry hon.
Lisa says
I’m so sorry Kerry! What a tragic loss! I’ll keep you in my thoughts Kerry and if there’s anything you need please let me know!
Polliwog says
My heart is breaking for you. I am so very sad for the loss of your perfect little angel Scott. I will light a candle for him and say prayers. My love is with you and your family. I am so so sorry Kerry.
Erika Jurney, Plain Jane Mom says
Oh no Kerry. I can’t stand it. After all you have been through this year it was supposed to get better. This was supposed to be your special prize. And poor Scott missing having you as his Mom here on earth. There is nothing like this. I just can’t stand it for you.
coolbeans says
I am so sorry.
Busy Mom says
I am so sorry, please take care, and, our thoughts and prayer are with you.
kara says
I am so very sorry. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family.
Marilyn says
Oh my goodness. My heart fell as I read this and I truthfully haven’t been following along (followed link from Plain Jane Mom) but my heart goes out to you. I too lost a baby, at 38 weeks pregnant but no more heart-wrenching. I think about how I felt then, how I feel now about it, and want to send many thoughts and prayers your way, for you and your family. I can’t imagine what this will do for your holiday. If you ever need to talk, need someone to listen or anything, please look me up.
Gwen says
I am so sorry. I understand what you are going through.
Jamie says
I just wanted to say I am so so very sorry. I clicked over from Plain Jane Mom’s site, too. My heart breaks for you and your family.
Tero from TP says
So sorry for your loss! I was so sad to read this. I’ll pray for you and your family. 🙁
jen says
That’s really really sad news, I’m so sorry.
~JJ! says
This shouldn’t be my first visit…But it is…
I’m so sorry.
I wish I could wrap you up in a blanket and hug the pain away.
DD says
I don’t even know what to say, and really what could there to say that would even remotely take away the pain? I’m just so very sorry.
MammaLoves says
I wish there was something I could say. Please know you are in my thoughts.
claudia says
Oh Kerry… I am so so so sorry…
Hug’s to you and your family.
Annie says
I am so desperately sorry.
Loralee says
I am so very sorry for your loss. I am here via Marilyn. I know that I do not know you, but when I lost my 4 month old, it was helpful to me to have mothers around me that had similar losses. You are not alone and I can tell you are very loved.
Scott was blessed to have you as his momma.
mo-wo says
Honey. Thank you for tell us about him. I can imagine him. A pretty little angel. Know with each thought of the angels this Christmas I’ll be whispering a little prayer of love for the little guy. I can’t imagine the breaking of hearts for his loss from your special dear family. Love to you all from all of us.
You’ll sleep again. I suppose. Tell us as little or as much serves you, honey.
Big kiss on the forehead.
mo-wo says
And I keeping wanting to click back. Wishing it wasn’t true — that it couldn’t be.
Coleen says
I am so sorry. I have no words.
sweetsalty kate says
Sadness, such sadness for you. It’s just so wrong. No one should have to go through this, but we do, a whole army out here of mamas with holes in our hearts.
I know you’re still too raw, but there is a certain magic that will keep him near you, watching you, loving you. It ebbs and flows but it is palpable.
Wishing this kind of magic for you, and eventual peace. I’m so sorry.
ann adams says
Just came over from Mo-Wo’s blog to tell you how sorry I am.
QuiltNut says
Kerry, my heartbreaks for you and your family. i don’t even know what to say, i keep checking back here hoping it really isn’t true. i’m so sorry. thoughts and prayers for all of you
Budgie Mom says
I am so very sorry Kerry. My heart goes out to you and your family right now. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers right now. You have my deepest condolences.
Beth says
I’m really very sorry. I will be thinking of you too.
bbymom says
I am so very sorry for your loss. Best wishes to all of you.
patois says
Nothing I can say will likely help at all, but I will say anyway that I’m so very sorry.
Pam says
No words can express what my heart feels. May the stars hold you tenderly, and shine on you and yours.
JoeTNG says
I’m so so very sorry….
You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers…
*gentle hugs*
Joe
Valerie (LeMom) says
Kerry, i am so terribly sorry for your loss. My heart breaks for you.
((HUGS)) and love to you and your family.
Hol says
My heart aches for you. I’m so sorry. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. May God hold you in His hand and give you peace.
Colleen says
My heart is breaking for you and your family. I’m so very sorry for you loss.
nonlineargirl says
I am so sorry. This is heartbreaking and I hope it helps a little to know how many people hear your pain and are taking you into our hearts.
Lala says
thinking of you in New Brunswick.
I’m sorry for this huge loss.
CharmingDriver says
Oh honey. I’ve had this window open all day trying to think of the right thing to say and all I’ve got is this: I’m really, really sorry for you and your family.
Hugs.
Bon says
Kerry…i’ve been here before but never commented. Mo-Wo linked us together in her post about Scott…and i am so sad to be delurking in this way.
i am glad you got to hold him. i know how much you miss him, and you will for a long, long time…all the things he was and could have been. i am so, so sorry.
SL's Mom says
Kerry….I am so very sorry. There is nothing I can say that will ease your pain, but please know that you and your family and in my thoughts and prayers during this very difficult time.
Blessings!
celebrate woo-woo says
I’m visiting by way of a link from Charming Driver.
I can’t even express in words how sorry I am to hear you’re going through this experience. I’m just so very sorry. Take care of yourself.
cheri22 says
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Saw your post in Second tri and located your blog through Quiltnut.
My deepest condolences to you for your loss. I know that no words expressed here can really take away the pain you must feel.
whindiva says
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Peace and blessings to you and your family. You will be in my prayers.
Hugs
a.j. says
I am so, so sorry for your loss.
Jennifer says
I am so sorry.
jodi says
I am so sorry for your loss.
Carla says
Oh my goodness. I’m so very very sorry.
Lynda says
My heart goes out to you and your family. My first born passed away on Dec 2/96. I am here for you please email me if you wan to talk to someone whos been there. I can be reached at lyndachaplin75@hotmail.com
Lynda (Lynnieanne@ TP )
Mad Hatter says
Mo-Wo told me. I am so very sorry.
lisalonglash says
Oh, Kerry, I’m so very very sorry for your loss :o( If there is anything at all, anything, please let me know. My heart is just breaking for you… Hugs.
Wendy Piersall says
:'( So sorry for your loss, Kerry. Hugs to you and the rest of your family!
Jenny says
Keeping you in my thoughts, Kerry.
jenijen says
I’m so, so sorry.
xo
Christina says
Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry. I’m just speechless.
My thoughts are with you and your family.
hello insomnia says
I’m very sorry.
cronznet says
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
I’m so sorry. Tears, hugs and thoughts for you and yours.
Carmen says
I am so so sorry. My thoughts are with all of you at this dreadful time.
PunditMom says
I know the others have said it, but I am so sorry. You are brave to share this with us.
Lotta says
Oh my goodness. I’m so sorry honey.
Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah says
I am so sorry. I wish there was something I could say that would help, but I know there isn’t.
Oh, The Joys says
I am so sorry. So sorry.
Shauna says
I am so sorry.
michele says
I’m sorry. I have no words but those.
melissa says
i am so so sorry. my thoughts and prayers are with you!
ali says
{hugs}
Redneck Mommy says
I wish I never had to offer you my support or sympathy. But you are in my prayers. Godspeed to your little one.
Padme says
I am so very sorry for your loss. May you and yours be surrounded by warmth and light during this dark time.
Anjer from TP says
Oh Kerry…
My heart aches so terribly for you. Today should have been your day to move to 3rd, and it’s just not right or fair…
My sincerest sympathies to you and your family on the loss of Scott. May you hold him dearly in your hearts forever.
Queen of Shake Shake says
I am so very sorry.
Mrs. Mustard says
So sorry for your loss. I cannot fathom how you feel.
SQT says
Oh damn. I am so sorry.
Stefania/CityMama says
I’m so sorry for your loss.
Kai says
Oh Kerry. I don’t know what I can possibly say that hasn’t already been said. Please know you are in my thoughts, and you have my deepest sympathies.
sherry says
I am s very sorry for your loss.
terri c says
Came over from Shan’s place. There really are no words–“I’m sorry” seems so lame and yet I am–beyond sorry–because this loss is such an awful one. My heart goes out to all of you.
fidget says
I am so sorry for you you loss. I am just sitting here crying for you, wishing I could reach through this damn screen and hug you.
Jenn says
I am very sorry to read about your loss.
ChickyMama says
I haven’t checked your blog in several days, and when I read of your loss, my breath caught in my throat and my knees buckled. I am so very sorry to hear of your loss. You and your family are in our thoughts and prayers during this most difficult time.
Craig says
I am so sorry to hear about this. My thoughts are with you and your family.
kittenpie says
CC – I am so sorry I missed this and come belated to say how very, very sorry I am to hear this news. I can’t even imagine how terrible. I know I can’t offer you solace, but I send you many, many virtual hugs.
Jamie says
I just wanted to let you know I am so sorry about the loss of your baby boy. God bless.
jmb says
Crunchy, I am so sorry for this. I had no idea this had happened. I know there is nothing I can say to make you feel better, but know that I am thinking of you and your family.
jmb
Diana Gardner-Williams says
I am sorry for your loss and you and your family will be in my thoughts.
My son had died 3 days in the womb and I never knew, being a first time mom.
Peace Love and Hugs from Above
Diana Gardner-Williams
Pam says
I also have lost 2 babies and the feeling of loss is just terrible when you see the is no heart beat anymore. I know the pain.