So my daughter, peering over my shoulder asked me what all the stories were about this ‘Jian’ guy online right now.
Where to even start.
My son was sitting in the room too.
How do I turn this into a ‘learning’ experience for both of them? Especially when I can see their eyes glaze over when mom gets up on her high horse and starts speechifying.
How do I discuss skeevy behavior from a ‘bad date’ to what IS sexual assault? How do I explain to Caity about how to deal with that sort of scenario? How do I explain what this one story has triggered?
Well it isn’t just one story……we have watched Gamergate and have chatted about THAT issue and we have talked about ‘rape culture’ and harassment. I have talked to my son about why you don’t make jokes about rape and why the gamer insults and ‘humour’ are really NOT funny to a girl or woman. How being afraid or at least ‘aware’ is just part of a girls life.
BUT how do I talk about these issues with my son without it turning into a ‘all men are evil’ speech? How do I explain that for once social media is a power for good. That women are using it to voice just how sick and tired they are of these situations and that if enough women (and men) speak up, that perhaps the streets will be a little less threatening when my daughters are out there without ME to take care of them.
This article from Slate has a lot of critical and hostile comments, but Slate seems to do that. BUT the point of the article is true. The point of the article is good. The point about people speaking out is crucial for things to change. Speaking out doesn’t have to mean speaking to the newspapers or reporting things to police, it has to start on a much smaller scale than that.
I said to my son it was pretty much the same message that the anti bullying campaigns preach but no one listens to….that if he had a friend say or imply something ‘improper’ about a female friend, that it was important that he speak up….that just saying ‘not cool’ to someone was at least a start on the right road.
Lots of articles have mentioned how many people “knew” something was off about Ghomeshi, that people were warned about him, but that was as far as it ever went. People have said this was due to his power and influence, and I am sure this was part of it, but I also think it boils sadly down to human nature. We don’t stick our noses in other people’s business, we don’t get involved. We don’t tell them to back of or shut up or stay away, we wait and hope someone else does it and THEN we bravely speak up, because basically that is a NEW club we can join. A safe club….a club of the just and the ‘I KNEW IT!!’ But really…..
Did one of his friends ever confront him EVER? Did anyone ever mention to him that his technique might need work to put it lightly? Did anyone every tell him to stay away from the girls?
Instead of chastising the victims for only NOW being brave enough to share their stories, why are we not asking what his close friends and business acquaintances were doing? Why did it take a newspaper story for people to speak up?
People are not sleezy and scummy in a bubble. Ghomeshi did not live and party alone. Yet his behavior was allowed to continue.
Victims only exist because they feel that their voices will not be heard. How do we make our world open to LISTENING ….I say by being a world open enough to SPEAKING.
I am trying to raise girls AND boys to be better citizens and better human beings. So far I am struggling to find them examples to follow…..for now it feels that they must carve their own path and learn to be brave and to speak out and stand up for each other in this messy ugly world.
Right now Caity is doing a poster representing human rights. She focused on a girls right to…..well, everything really. Where do we start?
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