A few weeks ago, Caity reported that a boy in another class was hassling her a lot at lunch and recess. It wasn’t anything hugely terrible, but enough that when she got frustrated by it, she told me and asked for help.
So help I did. Aaaand I did the the ‘grown up’ way. I did not lie in wait for said boy and then scare the shit out of him and warn him to stay away from my daughter. I went to the teacher. This was more complicated since the boy is in another class, but I know and like the teacher, so near the end of the school day, I popped by and told said teacher about the issue. The teacher paused and then said that she would have to figure out the ‘correct procedure for this.’ Ummmm tell the kid not to do it???
Ooookay.
Apparently she figured out what was ‘correct’ and had the boy apologize for bothering Caity. Caity seemed satisfied with that and that was it.
Until Friday, when a boy in her class passed her a note ‘allegedly’ from this boy which stated that he would ‘kill her.’
I was not impressed.
So today I arrived early for the school pick up and popped into see the principal. He did not know about this note but mentioned that he was already planning on having words with this said boy about some other ‘issues’ and would add this to the list.
When I went to get Caity she told me that when her own teacher brought the note to the boys teacher and that THAT teacher said that there was NO ways that this boy had written this note since he had already apologized.
????
Oookay.
Regardless if this boy sent the note or not (and of course he did), SOMEONE did and I don’t think notes like should be taken lightly. It doesn’t matter if there is no intent behind the note, it is language that in this day and age, we should be heavily discouraging this sort of language when it comes to kids.
I would also like to smack the passer of the note up the side of the head since this boy professes to be Caity’s friend. Children really don’t think beyond their next toy or candy and not whether their action would hurt someone or not.
Honestly? I don’t think this boy means any harm to Caity, in fact I have a feeling he probably means the opposite. We have a lot of troubled kids at our school and sadly most of them are boys. I think he is probably one of ‘them as that teacher is our one resident ‘expert’ in dealing with kids who are more square peg than round. Again however, the aggression and language can’t be tolerated.
In this age of bullying and rape (and bombings) we need to teach kids the right way to communicate and nip this type of behaviour in the bud. I have shared my thoughts before on the fact that all the antibullying campaigns are not working. Big ra ra Pink Day’s and so on don’t work when the kids don’t connect what the adults are telling them to what they are experiencing in the real world. It doesn’t help when the adults in their world don’t really know HOW to respond.
I don’t think the way I want to respond is the most politically correct, so I will bite my tongue and wait until I hear from the principal or teacher about what they are doing.
For a school that swears ‘zero tolerance’ for violence and bullying, I hope it is enough to teach this boy and others a better way to communicate with the ‘fairer’ race.
Can believe teacher said couldn’t be that boy, actually I can I have seen things very similar and about agressive behaviour of a child. It is this type of response that allows this behaviour to continue. Open your eyes. It starts somewhere……and excuse me what about the child that has been threatened. By denyiing and dismissing this you are basically calling the threaten child a lier. WHAT! NOT COOL
Regardless of whether the child actually likes your daughter or not, it is never ok to use this kind of language. I find it crazy that boys will treat girls badly as a sign that they actually like them! What is the problem with our society when we tell girls that the boys that tease them actually like them? It shows girls that bad boys are desirable and that they deserve to be mistreated. I don’t know about you, but it took me a while to figure out that bad boys were to be steered clear away from.
You’re right when you say all the anti-bullying campaigns in the world are not going to stop the behaviour, in fact in some instances it makes it worse!
My partner is a teacher in a middle school. On Pink Shirt Day, a kid who was wearing pink, blatantly bullied a special needs kid in the classroom. It’s almost as if the shirt gives him protection, as if to say “hey I am wearing pink, I get it, what I am doing is not bullying!’ Seriously? We need to teach our kids that words and notes like the one your daughter received need to be taken very seriously. It also needs to be pointed out that those kind of things say way more about the bully than the other way around.
This subject frustrates me to no end, and my child isn’t even in school yet. I am not looking forward to having to deal with this because I will have to. There have always been bullies and there will always be bullies.
Have you received an answer from the principal yet>
It feels like we can’t escape the ‘boys will be boys’ mentality EVER. I don’t know how we can raise progressive and modern daughters but forget to keep the boys abreast of the situation.
I have not yet heard from any teachers about it…will be asking this week.
Will let you know.