Christmas Reflections

Here I sit in the middle of that weird week between Christmas and New Year’s where some people are on vacation, and others work and the kids can’t figure out what to do with themselves.

I remember working this week.  In retail it is insane as people scramble to spend the last of the money they do not have.  In non retail it is usually time to  clean up your filing and get your calendar ready for the New Year.

This end of year week…..this recover from Christmas week….this running down of the year feels even more transitory as I am totally spaced out with a head and chest cold.

I watched 4 episodes of Spartacus last night in a row and all I can say about it is penis and blood and won’t someone give the dude a bath!!!??

Despite feeling ill, this Christmas was okay.  I say just okay in that it wasn’t bad or good or great or terrible….I think for once, that I had low but not negative expectations for the event.   Christmas is a time of extremes.  Extreme hopes, dreams, bitterness….all tend to come out as we lead up to this glittery holiday….will reality live up to the movie versions?  It generally does not.

And for once…I think all involved (with exception of the kids of course) were happy with it the way it was without complaint or if  onlies and so on.

I did not feel the need to be maudlin or reflective.  I did not feel the need to celebrate in a huge way.

I was happy to focus on the kids and their Christmas expectations, which are far easier and funner to fulfill than our sometimes jaded adult one’s.

As far as the kids went…I think we nailed it this year.  I don’t think there was one DUD gift.   All seemed very happy with what they received and have spent the last few days playing with each and every toy or game.

Lego was huge this year.  As were video games.

I received a ton of books and have been happily reading in between parenting.

Christmas day was  a mix of relaxed chaos.

But there was no places to drive of too .  No people to go see.

I remember childhood Christmases at relatives homes, yearning to get back to my OWN stuff.

Our family has shrunk over the years….the family we spend time with anyway.

All those years of dinner and visits at various relatives homes.   All the pointed talk.  The unseen noses out of joint.

I don’t miss that.

I miss the idea of being around a large extended family.   I would like a home on Christmas filled with family…cousins, aunts, uncles, etc.

But again….it was never like it was in the movies.

Christmas should always be about being with who you love and care about.     And having fun and enjoying the spirit of the season.

This Christmas for me was about letting go and not worrying about everyone else…..just being.

For the first time I wasn’t filled with worry about everyone else’s happiness or unhappiness.   I didn’t get myself in a knot about being the right person for everyone….just for me….and the kids of course….and I think it worked.

I hope it worked.