Getting the ‘real’ facts from a six year old is tough.
I don’t think even torture and a polygraph would really get you anywhere…they totally believe what they are telling you is the ‘whole truth and nothing but.’
My son can be hypersensitive…with us. I am not sure how he is with his peers. He tends to go off the deep end with us…but I don’t think he does this at school.
So when he said he wanted to change his name because some kids were calling him ‘ah-dum,’ we felt we better try to get to the bottom of this…as it was obviously very upsetting to him.
Some kids were the neighbour kids..the usual suspects. They are in the Grade one/two split class.
I tried with the ‘well, just walk away’ or ‘just ignore them,’ bit first.
But this didn’t seem to work.
Instead he started waxing nostalgic about when ALL the kids were his friends and they ALL played together.
I reminded him that that was the summer holidays when all the kids were out and about…school time was different..everyone was busy and the days are shorter.
I also find that he tends to focus on the OLDER kids as being ‘real’ friends instead of his own classmates.
I had to remind him of the kids who he actually plays with and who actually are his age and hang with him…and not because they are assigned as his ‘Big Buddy’ at school.
But in his eyes…EVERYONE is his friends.
My instincts still told me that I wasn’t dealing with anything serious…and I think I am right in this assumption.
Their school is a lovely Arthur Erickson designed community school built beside a tiny wood and on greenspace. It is the perfect place for kids to run wild on their lunch hours.
In the woods are the remnants of old growth trees, long cut down. You can see the cuts made by the loggers.
These HUGE hollow stumps are ‘forts’ for the kids. Apparently some of the classes are going all ‘Lord of the Flies’ at lunchtime and there are wars between these forts….or ally building too.
It is an ongoing game it seems.
The other day a boy chucked a huge stick at Adam..but apparently, the guy is an ‘okay’ guy.
The name calling causes deeper wounds.
But the more I hear about these ‘games’…the more I am thinking that these kids are using name calling in context…they are playing at ‘enemies’…enemies trash talk each other do they not?
I don’t like name calling.
I don’t like that the one kid copies the ring leader…I don’t like that they try to boss Adam around.
I don’t like that he thinks they are better than he is.
But…I also realize that Adam does need to get a thicker skin and to realize also that everyone is NOT your best friend and that not everyone has your best interests in their minds.
He is so trusting….so open.
And while he exudes confidence…I really think he has very little. I doesn’t take much to knock him right down.
Now personally, I would like to trash talk THOSE kids…but we must seek the better path, no?
We have to teach our kids how to navigate the mine fields of life.
To sadly, toughen up a bit, to be a bit more skeptical, a little less trusting…such is growing up.
Keith Robertson Jr. says
Great post! I’m not there yet with my little ones, but I know it’ll be coming soon and hoping I can find the right path to follow when dealing with it.
patois says
It’s so painful to make them “toughen up.” Yes, it’s the right thing to do. But, damn, I say we go beat the kids up instead. Oh, all right, we’ll go your way.
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BetteJo says
Tough to know how to walk that line between protecting and letting them learn. Very tough.