but now I have an excuse……My fardling period started today. Thanks God. Really.
It is having a mellowing effect this time though.
Adam finally remembered to tell me about an ‘incident’ at school today…..AFTER we got home from school.
Apparently during some complicated ‘you can’t play with me unless you give me your cookies’ game some older kid was masterminding, Adam was shoved down to the ground. He apparently (allegedly??) went of to a bench crying and no supervisor saw this and he doesn’t ‘get’ telling a teacher yet.
My softened reaction was that I would talk to the school tomorrow morning. Crunchy Husband, however, ….well it was enough to galvanize HIM into activity and we were all hustled back to the school to talk to the Principal. I let him do the talking. And Adam of course.
So Principal will talk to the boy and the boy is apparently going to be sent down to talk to Adam about it tomorrow. THAT should be interesting. A grade three having a discussion with a kindergartner.
I was already drained of emotion too due to Adam’s reaction to EVERY WORD I SAY being to tense up and get all mad and start yelling at me. This reaction can be produced by simple requests like : ‘Please eat your waffles,’ or ‘Can you brush your teeth now please.’ Now I stand there worrying about the precise timbre of my voice before broaching ANY subject.
Does this family need help or what???
Nicole/wksocmom says
Hey there, you have an excuse to be down no matter what by the way, and just want to send good thoughts your way.
My kindergartner acts the same way, sometime culminating in “do not talk to me right now.” He got ice cream for dinner last night and still managed to make both of us miserable about it. It’s really tough when you love someone and they are so little and it seems like too young to have stuff like that happen, if that makes sense. My son will tell the teacher if something actually happens, but he also often makes up stories – like an 8YO hit him, then when he told the teacher the 8YO hit the teacher, etc.
Hang in there.
Loralee says
I have an emotionally charged youngster, too.
It can be very draining. (On top of it all.)
HUGS
claudia says
Hey.
Phillip had an older kid push him down AND take off his shoes. TWICE.
I was flabbergasted and told his teacher right away, as well as lectured the girls and the neice’s to keep an eye on him.
THEN we sat down and talked about how school was supposed to be a fun and safe place, but if other kids aren’t playing nicely (I gritted my teeth wording it like that-I wanted to say ‘if some asshole is being a dickhead to you’) then he had the right to say NO and to tell an adult. I let him know that the adults are there to help him and even if the other kid wants to get mad, he or she didn’t have good manners to play nice with kinder kids like they are supposed to.
he listened well enough. But when it comes to trying to get details, he freaks and won’t talk. So what can we do? If he gets bullied will he come to us? I hope so…
Smiling Mom says
Ok Crunchy Mom, want some advice?? No?? Ok, delete this comment at will then. I totally won’t be offended. 🙂
Sounds like Adam is in some serious need of fun one on one time with you. Weekly “Special Adam and Mom Only” events. Like going to Starbucks to get hot cocoa and play cards. Or going to the movies, (no talking needed) or getting ice cream.
Sounds like he desperately needs to reconnect, feel safe, etc. right now.
I hope this comment didn’t step on toes, it’s sent out of love, and compassion during this very difficult time in your family’s life right now.
Hugs!
sara says
Sweetheart you don’t need an excuse to be down. It’s going to come and go thats for sure. I’m sorry about what happened to Adam at school, kids sure can be mean. If it comes to the point where you feel you all need it, I’m sure you could find some good family therapist. I know that takes energy to do and I’m sure you don’t have that, I wish I was closer and could help hook you up. We had “help” since the national guard was involved in our tragedy and therapist followed us for a year, some more. Anyway, Alex had/has a lot of the same defiance/anger issues that you seem to be discribing with Adam. I’m sure Adam has been touched by what has happened and never should have, to you all. Kids process things so differently. You’ll get through it though, eventually. If you think you, or your family needs help, seek it, nothing wrong with doing so. Still praying for you.
Wendy says
I think you all need a big hug. Okay that sounded sappy, but I mean it.
That vacation can’t come soon enough, eh?
Crunchy Carpets says
Hey all…my friends!!!
Claudia..yeah the story keeps changing ‘slightly’ too..apparently a gang of kids (smaller one’s like Adam too!) were chasing the boy after he took the cookies, so I can see why he turned and pushed Adam down…sort of.
I suggested he stay out of games or things he doesn’t really ‘get’….we shall see.
Smiling Mom….no toes stepped on…advice always appreciated and needed! Yeah I am trying to reconnect one on one with Adam too…I have been trying to make sure he gets moments with just me and him. CH took him to a movie on Saturday too and his Nana is going to have him over alone for lunch as he gets fed up sharing with his sister all the time. I am working at just letting him talk and be upset or whatever and just ‘be’ there for him too.
Sara – yes..I have a follow up appt with my pre partem therapist..I am hoping that CH will come with me to that and that she can help ‘us’ and suggest a therapist or something for dealing with Adam and his anger and frustration. If not, I have a number from the hospital social worker for the Family Services and can go through there.
And yes, Wendy….I wish I could get CH to understand the ‘need’ for our little family vacation….he doesn’t see the healing and family time factor…just the ‘hassle’ of a holiday, I think.
I will keep working on him for that.
Blog therapy……love it!
Redneck Mommy says
Sounds like my house whenever a date reminding of us of Bug approaches…stress levels get to all of us and their is some sniping.
(Can I just say how annoyed I am over the brother/sister in law situation???? Hang tough.)
DirkStar says
You all just need time to process, reflect and heal…