I AM ok. Right now.
We have had some ups and downs at the House of Crunch. Marital fights, or whatever you want to call them. But we did talk, and talk and talk and so things move on right?
I have been a tad perturbed by some reactions to the loss of the baby from some neighbours….I basically got a ‘The SUN WILL COME OUT TOMORROW’ talk from one about jumping right back in the saddle and that that one wasn’t meant to be. Er yeah. THAT is how I feel. Really…….(irony)
My anger at my brother and sister in law grows every single day. I know it is stupid. Who cares how others feel or think. But it really really pisses me off.
CH is hassled every farking day by him about their mom’s estate. It usually goes along the lines of how hard HE is working and what a slacker CH is. We are becoming bored and irritated by this all. I couldn’t take it anymore and snapped at him the other day. CH – bless him – just let me.
Basically despite CH being hellishly busy with work, and grieving over the loss of his son, and then spending Christmas with his family, was supposed to be spending every single day helping clear out their mom’s house and making a decision about what to do with it.
We have pointed out that we were slightly devastated over our loss…..didn’t really get a reaction. In fact, neither of them have said I am sorry for your loss. Nor have they even shown that they understand remotely how we might be feeling. Nothing.
They have come into my house and seen the flowers, the cards, and now Scott’s little urn and said NOTHING.
It annoys me.
It shouldn’t. But it does.
Mainly because all we ever hear is about how hard done by HE is.
ANYWAY…..yes, I should rise above all this. I know.
And then there are amazing people like this out there…..
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Another sad note.
Fertility is a huge thing for many many women. There was an interesting article in our local paper about it and our aging eggs and how we really should NOT put off having kids when we are young and so on.
I had just watched a show about some women’s struggle with IVF and so on too.
The old me….pre kids, never understood the women who were spending thousands and going through so much anguish with fertility treatments when they already had kids. My take then, was that they should be happy with what they had…right?
Wrong. I get that now.
I got that after having Adam. I wanted another. I wanted/want one now. The ache, hunger, need…whatever it may be….doesn’t go away does it?
I really really wanted my little baby. Despite all the hell that we had been going through. I was sooo looking forward to having a newborn baby in our world again. I ache now for that loss.
I get the pain that all these women feel.
I am sorry.
My mom says that that need goes when menopause hits. I don’t know about that. She then clarified that perhaps because she had grandkids, that her ache was assuaged.
I think that is probably closer to the truth.
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My son did not stop talking on Sunday from the moment he woke up to the moment he fell asleep. We could even hear him talking to himself when we carried him kicking and screaming to bed. It took over two hours for us to convince him to try to relax and to show him how to relax and to TRY PLEASE GOD TRY to sleep.
The boy is going to kill us.
I had sort of spoiled the bed time thing by allowing him and Caity to sleep with me last week..but I was being snitty with CH and had gathered my babes and dog close to me and was ignoring him.
Petty and pathetic….I know.
However….I hate to say it, but I did actually get a better sleep laying in the middle of the bed with the two kids snuggled on either side. I did!!!
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We have a busy week ahead. I am hoping to motivate myself to do housework today. I have to shop for a kids birthday party on Friday…..my kids are overjoyed that they get to go to another McDonalds party.
Sigh.
My mom’s birthday is coming up and she is doing a Robbie Burns night to celebrate. So birthday gifts and tartan must be acquired.
I really need to get my head around organizing and decluttering the house. There is stuff to sell and so on.
CH needs to drop off his passport forms. A hassle.
There is paperwork to do, accounting stuff to take care off.
Yadda yadda yadda.
I would really like to see my best friend and M-Wo too…..who has tried to get together with me and I have not followed through. I have a high school friend that I am trying to reunite with too!
Life goes on.
I would be annoyed, angry, hurt and upset too. We were lucky, we had great support after our stillbirth. It still amazes me to this day how great people were with us. SO much so, I guess, that it was strange after I had my miscarriage a year and a half later that the support just wasn’t there like it had been. To me, it felt like a very similar loss, but no one seemed to care as much. That said, I can’t imagine such a blatant lack of understanding after a stillbirth. That would be, as I put it, a “deal-breaker”. He sounds like a very selfish guy, not being able to look past his own troubles to see what’s going on around him. Very sad.
*hugs*
“It annoys me.
It shouldn’t. But it does.”
Um excuse me, I beg to differ.
I hope that you have a smooth calm week. I am sorry that you are not receiving a lot of support from you BIL.
The behavior of your inlaws has me seeing red and spitting nails all at the same time.
Family is a bitch isn’t it? I’ve had my fill recently and am really glad no one lives near me anymore. Sad but true.
So many of my friends have had to do IVF due to age. I pretty much jumped right on it when I hit 30 and was very very lucky to conceive easily. I think I would react the same as you if I had lost one. It would break my heart.
I’m angry at those thoughtless people for you. I’m glad to know your “doing”. You’re doing great, don’t expect too much from yourself okay, your poor heart has been railroaded, and sometime somewhere down the road it will become something you survived it will be part of your normal. Right now, whatever keeps you breathing in and out all day long, is plenty. I’m proud of you.
your bil needs a kick in the ass, i’ll volunteer too. i have the same thoughts as Whim as well
have you thought about hiring someone to go in and empty out the house? at least the none important stuff?
I’m sorry your brother in law is such an ass. Don’t be too hard on yourself for thinking he is. I’m totally impartial over here. I think he’s being an ass.