Skirt is totally addictive. So much to read.
I was reading Lawyer Mama’s great bit about the seemingly endless battle about mom’s, non moms, working mom’s, stay at home mom’s, etc, etc.
When I got married, I got the distinct impression from my peers that I was, in a sense, letting the feminist side down due to my taking on this ‘archaic’ tradition.
Personal choice did not seem to factor in. Â Â I really felt that I had lost brain cells in the eyes of some of my friends and colleagues. Â This included men as well as women.
Don’t get me started on the furor of me taking his name. Â Once again, personal choice and what was right for me did not seem to factor in…or if it did…it meant I was a lesser person.
Of course I may have just been paranoid.
But modern feminism has gotten us all confused. We seem to be a bit conflicted about what it means to be a feminist today.
For some the ideas of marriage and staying at home don’t jive with being a feminist. Â Â And that is fine…personal choice and all.
And there is the crux. Personal Choice. The ability to HAVE a choice is or should be what modern feminism is about.
Isn’t it amazing that in the Western world, we actually can choose to NOT get married or choose to NOT have kids?  Isn’t it amazing that we can choose TO get married or choose TO have kids. (generally of course)
So therefore, the next big step in feminism should be to respect that choice.
Stereotypes and old attitudes send so many mixed signals these days. Look at the issues surrounding breastfeeding. We are told breast is best. We know in our hearts that this is true…yet the stigma and titillation (pun intended) of the boob runs rampant.  We love to see boobs on the ‘girls gone wild’ but scream and point in horror at a women feeding her child in public.
Support and education in breastfeeding is not what it should be either.  People are still tight lipped about postpartum depression and other post labour issues. Heck, people don’t even want to talk about how hard just being MARRIED can be.   Or not….being in any relationship ‘arrangement’ is hard work. Something our society doesn’t seem comfortable in recognizing or supporting.
I think the distaste and flack that shows up around mommy blogging, is that in general, 20 odd years ago, parenting was just something you did. You didn’t make a bid deal about it because it was considered the norm.  It was procreating and then dealing with it.   Feminism in the 60’s and 70’s seemed to centre around the idea that women didn’t want to be like their mom’s…they didn’t want to follow the norm.   It was a backlash.
Now, it seems, we have discovered anew that parenting is amazing and rewarding and hard that we CAN be forward thinking AND parents a the same time.
I think a lot of moms blog because we do know that we still have brains and that we do have something valuable to share and are happy to have found a community where we CAN share our views and so on.
Blogging is great. You don’t have to read someone’s blog if you don’t want to. You don’t have to share the same views. You have a choice.
What a concept.
lydee says
good point, it’s good to hear someone else say that
Whim says
I think the idea that you can’t be a stay at home mom and a feminist is ludicrous!
Daisy says
Too true, too true!
QuiltNut says
great post Crunchy! totally agree
Wendy says
I totally agree. I choose not to call myself a feminist, because I think it has become just as oppressive as they claimed the ’50’s were. If you dont follow these rules then you are not with us, therefore you are against us.
I think the true success of feminism will be respecting the choice that a woman has made and not telling her that what she has choosen is wrong.
Beautifully written.
slackermommy says
Amen sister!
Smiling Mom says
Fantastic post!!
Susan says
I think feminism is all about the ability to make a choice. Becoming a mom was the best choice I ever made–but it might not feel as good if I hadn’t had a choice. People are always trying to put their judgements on moms, and we just need to block them out.
Susan at Working Moms Against Guilt
Her Bad Mother says
Bravo, lady. Perfectly said. I AM mommy – hear me blog!!!