Tomorrow is #DayoftheGirl tomorrow, and while I have two AMAZING girls who I want to conquer the world, my thoughts lately have been on my boy. My boy is now 12 and to see him growing and changing before my eyes is incredible.
Sure, he drives us bonkers on a daily basis, but this summer was truly his. This summer our boy traveled farther and farther away from us, as he slowly explored his growing freedom. This summer included trips on the bus alone. Trips to the mall alone one the bus to meet friends, have lunch or see movies. Other days were spent on his bike as he explored the neighbourhood. I think one day he cycled all the way to the Knight St. bridge and back along the river. There has been frequent rides to mall and the skate park too. All on his own or with friends. When the X-Box broke, HE found a person who had the reputation of being a whiz and negotiated the price. His haggling skills with us make me wonder if he will be a car salesman or a lawyer in his future.
Some days he drives us mad with his seeming indifference to the world (his family included) but I can also see his focus and awareness of people and his surroundings growing as he grows.
Now back to the #DayoftheGirl tomorrow. Safety and education as well as equality of our girls is a huge issue across the world and my kids understand that. But I find the discussions with my own kids the most enlightening about how gender plays out for kids on a daily basis.
According to the boys I chat with the gender stereotypes live on. The boys feel that they get targeted unfairly at school for ‘bad’ behavior versus the girls. The boys tell me many times the girls are just as disruptive or mean, but their acts go unnoticed or unpunished far more than the boys do. Have you as parents had any sense of this at your kids schools?
Do we just assume girls are better behaved? Are we still stuck on ‘boys will be boys?’
I often get the feeling that boys are not challenged enough in regards to their behavior, attitudes and school work because we fall back on old attitudes towards the genders. I catch myself all the time too. I find myself asking my daughter to help with a chore instead of Adam. I will ask the girls to grocery shop with me instead of him. The boy world vs girl world is deeply ingrained in me even as I rail against it.
I always hated all the dark ‘boy’ colours the clothing comes in versus all the bright pinks of the girls. I love that my son embraces colour as well as a preference to shaggy hair versus short back n sides. The hair thing seems to really annoy certain people who comment on my kid’s hair on a regular basis. Caity keeps her hair in a short bob. The majority of her peers have long hair and the majority of Adam’s friends have very short buzz style cuts. Our ‘rebelliousness’ is cause for much commentary. Why?
We can’t begin to raise up our girls if we are not also raising up our boys to be their equal partners on this planet. There is no point in raising feminist daughters if we have not raised our boys to the same.
We need to rid our attitudes towards expected ‘norms’ of behavior from the genders and allow our kids to grow in to amazing human beings minus the hangups we are all stuck with.
As I watch my boy grow I will continue to strive to make ME better for him.
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