I really love this post from Bunmi Laditan I read this morning and I think my mom will too. I don’t remember Carricknowe but I do remember Lenzie and that was a village really. A village populated by stay at home moms who shared the duty of watching hoards of kids amongst themselves.
I have been really lucky to be a stay at home mom for my kids. A double income would have helped us for sure, but we chose to have me home and we rent but we rent in a family neighbourhood with a good school and it is really the perfect place for kids. When I see Vancouver becoming more and more unfriendly to children and families, I wonder how long this little bit of paradise will last. When will the developers leap over the area and mow down every last tree and greenspace here. Modern townhomes are crammed in with little thought of play areas or spaces to breathe. Our hood is all about breathing.
And that brings us back to the hoards of kids. Summer here means doors left open all day while the kids travel in packs on bikes or in the greenspace playing water fights, tag, you name it. Summer means non stop knocking at the door from kids looking for my kids and my kids in and outing looking for water, snacks or permission to move on OR permission to bring in said hoards into the house. The families my kids play with can’t afford to be vacationing all summer long or sending their kids to camps unless it is by necessity with both parents working or a single parent going it alone. So the kids figure out how to entertain themselves. Like we did.
It doesn’t stop.
And while it can drive you nuts …. the stupid dogs bark at every interruption, and I can’t get anything done…I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Our rental complex was originally intended to be a low rent family rental, but over the years that has changed and most units now are re-rented out at almost market rents, pushing this place out of the budget for many who SHOULD be living here. Instead we have more of a mix and a mix that I notice are nowhere near as social or as ‘here’ as the old guard was. Of course…they are all working. They have to be. During the week this place is a ghost town. The majority of kids in the summer are at day camps or childcare. They show up at dinner time looking to play the evenings away with my kids.
We had a community BBQ on the weekend and while it was fairly well attended, a lot of our neighbours did not show up and I found that really sad. They instead looked at the goings on from a distance and carried on. Our community association had created a perfect event to allow people to get to know their neighbours and they decided that wasn’t important.
No more villages.
Back to Lenzie. My mom will assure you that it was filled with drama, gossip and nastiness as it was filled with camaraderie. But it was filled. Neighbours hung out with neighbours….partied, shared, cared and helped. Everyone took turns watching the kids as they (my little gang) roamed around on our daily adventures (this was before we all went to school – about Tara’s age). If you were looking for a child, you called other moms to make sure they were in viewing distance of at least one of them.
Instead of calling the police to charge a single mom with neglect for leaving her child at the park, you were instead there to help her out or at least keep an eye out on the child. Instead of just judging a parent, you perhaps offered a snack to the child, or time in your own home or a trip to the pool or movies with your own kids.
The world seems to be filled with a lot of judgement and very little sympathy these days.
We didn’t get to enjoy the idyll of Lenzie for very long before heading into the gritty world of Scotland’s council estates, but even in Pilton, even amongst the roughest of people and areas, neighbourliness existed. People looked out for each others property and kids, much more so than I notice here, where the curtains barely twitch at the sound of trouble.
The one thing my mom and I have always missed about Scotland (apart from the Aunties – everyone had Aunties) was the ‘popping in.’ People dropped by unexpectedly. This for us was mostly due to not having a phone, but it was also just something that was okay. People popped in and you put the kettle on and you had a ‘wee natter.’
Connecting with other humans and sharing the burdens and joys of parenting is what it SHOULD be all about. Social media has helped fill that void for me and many others, but it doesn’t help the kids really. In the meantime, I will do my part here on my homefront by keeping my door open to the neighbours kids….if you are looking for yours later, you know where to find them. Coffee or tea is always available.
I miss that village of mothers that I’ve never had. The one we traded for homes that, despite being a stone’s throw, feel miles apart from each other. The one we traded for locked front doors, blinking devices and afternoons alone on the floor playing one-on-one with our little ones.
What gives me hope is that as I look at you from across the park with your own child in tow playing in her own corner of the sandbox, I can tell from your curious glance and shy smile that you miss it, too.
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