A strange feeling came over me last night….a feeling of dissociation with my own body.
With each pregnancy and all the other tests, illnesses, and what not, I have started to look on my body more as a ….I don’t know….vessel?
I feel very disconnected to my own flesh.
In some ways this is good. I don’t worry about the extra flab so much. I can fling on the lingerie (if you call ‘flinging’ struggling with complicated snaps and bits of frippery) and feel okay. The comfort with my body has come with my disconnect from it.
I no longer approach clothes shopping with such dread….if I can’t squeeze my flab into something, I am no longer crushed into depression about how I have ‘let myself’ go…I GET that I need to get into shape. But it isn’t having a negative affect on me right now.
We are discussing trying for another baby. This would no doubt mean months of mental stress, doctors visits and so on. The pregnancy part ..the carrying someone inside me again, only seems to concern me in a sense that I want to make sure that the ‘container’ is in full working order…..that I take care of the passenger.
Perhaps it is because my husband TELLS me I look good. HE fills me with confidence. His admiration for this middle aged container.
How lucky am I?
Mr. Flinger is so good about reassuring me when I feel just horrible about my body. And when I was pregnant, he just loved to watch my big ol’ belly. It is an amazing thing, that growing of people we do, and I love that you see it that way. Fat rolls be damned. WE GROW PEOPLE. 🙂
I’ve never grown a person, guess it just wasn’t in the cards for me…. and Crunchy, I think you are VERY lucky to have a man like you describe. Heck, from where I’m sitting (home alone on my couch with my laptop computer on a Saturday night… as usual), I’d say you are lucky just to have a MAN! Haha.
Happy Easter!!
You have a good man there Kerry No Doot Aboot It.
That’s a good man, right there. You ARE lucky.
I’m impressed with the fact that you still wear lingerie! I’ve been married for a mere 3 years and the last time I “slipped into something a little less comfortable” was on my wedding night!
I’d say your husband’s the lucky one!
On a more serious note: he does sound like a total sweetheart!
I so know what you mean. I called my boobs “the tupperware” for the longest time.