Bleh Bleh Blech

I have not been ‘sharing’ much here lately.

Haven’t had the heart.

Nor have I have I jumped on any of the big causes or issues that seem to explode around the mommy blogs either.

I haven’t even been paying attention to the BlogHer’s Act Canada stuff at all…that I feel a tidge guilty about.

There have been calls to arms over the big ‘breastfeeding in public.’   I was supposed to boycott Facebook and boo Bill Maher.    I didn’t.   Unless not having the energy to ‘poke’ people or post cute things on people’s funwalls  is sufficient.

I told my husband about the issue.   He doesn’t get it at all.  Figures if you don’t like the look of someone breastfeeding – don’t look.   Too right.

Crunchy Husband is sick.  He has been working a lot lately and that always catches up on you.   We managed to drag our sad little selves out for a nice grown up dinner on Saturday night.  To “CELEBRATE” our anniversary.   But it was just a welcome moment to take a deep  breath and enjoy some good food.   Then it was home to the usual.

I also enjoyed my mommy time at the hair salon on Friday.  Two hours kid free.

Apart from that I have been feeling physically and mentally run down.   My body is either feeling sick or aching or stopping me from sleeping.

My mind is a  hormonal mess.  My depression has been running full throttle.   I HATE not being in control of my faculties.   I HATE having a ‘weakness.’   I HATE sucking at parenting.

I hate needing help.

Anyway.  I have gone and gotten help.  I am under the wing of a doctor looking after the mental health of depressed pregnant women.    I HOPE she is right and this can be all turned around.  She has also recommended trying Celexa…so we shall see how that does.

CH has been stepping in as much as possible, but that makes me feel awful because he has enough on his plate.

My mom has been helping me almost every morning too…despite me snarling at her.  I know she is trying to help when she points out WHERE Adam’s problems stem from, but believe me, I already know and am already dealing with that guilt.

I also know my house is a mess.  I am sorry, it is just not a priority for me at the moment.

Is running away not an option?

Talk about feeling totally overwhelmed.

I really do want our family to go on a mini holiday.   I just want to be with my husband and my kids with NOTHING to do with school, daycare, work, extended family around us.    Just us.  Just us having fun.  Just us four connecting with no outside influences.
I have to talk seriously to CH about this.

So the good things…..this week my body has stopped aching so much and I wasn’t feeling QUITE so sick in the mornings.

I even managed to take the kids with my mom to the posh ‘Southlands Country Fair’ on Sunday.  Southlands is this little enclave on the west side of Vancouver for the rich and horsey.  Filled with huge homes and stables.    It was a horrid wet and muddy day, but the kids loved feeding the horses and getting a pony ride.

A dear high school friend reconnected with me through facebook.  It was wonderful to hear from her again.  I had missed her a lot.

Our little dinner out.

Little things.

So not much in posting..but I have  been trying to read everyone’s blogs still.  I am still around.