Days of Self Doubt

I have a miserable cold..that does not help.

It is my time of the month…that also does not help.

See…I am a tad impulsive.  I tend to get ahead of myself.  Big plans, big ideas and all that.

Crunchy Husband says I never spend enough time in the ‘now’…that I am always looking at the next thing down the road.

This is a teeny bit true.

Blogging has been VERY exciting for me.  I really enjoy the writing part.  I love posting my little stories and thoughts.  I love getting feed back.  I love my visitors.  I also LOVE visiting all the fave sites and finding new one’s.  It has been an amazing experience for me and I think really saved my sanity.   A creative outlet at last for the girl who still doesn’t know what she wants to be when she grows up.

Blogging has also spawned big thoughts about how to make money from it..how to build a career from it.   I am very excited about the BlogHer conference.   The fledgling business woman inside me thinks there are endless possibilities and opportunities out there.

I spent a lot of  time ‘researching.’

I have ideas for revamping my community site – Wet Coast Women -  I think it has huge potential if I can just get it right.  I spend a lot of time reading about CMS, and marketing opportunities.

I have a chance to do a ‘pro blogging’ gig too….the money ain’t great, but I can’t help but think it is some sort of ‘foot in the door’ for me.

But then…the self doubt.     For what? I ask.

Should I not just be focusing on my family?  Should I not spend more time doing homey things like cooking and baking and spending MORE quality time with my kids?  Should I not just relax and do the home thing and let crunchy husband think about the money thing?

I keep feeling I need to help boost the income of our little family.  I feel the need to pay off my credit card.  I would like to see us save more.

While I have never been one of great ambition, I have always been a fairly independent sort and tend to get a bit anxious about ‘not doing my bit’ so to speak.   I keep feeling I need to prove that I CAN do my bit.

I also worry about taking TOO much on.   Right now blogging is not tough…it is a pastime when the kids are otherwise occupied or I need a break of some sort.

But I have agreed to take on my neighbours kids for child care starting next month.    Am I crazy?  I am not really a kid person.  I really only said yes because they are ‘easy’ kids.  Easier than mine.   I actually enjoy their company.    It is part time too.  The  older boys will be in Kindergarten together in the fall and the mom is hoping (though good luck) to get the younger into the same preschool as Caity.   So it would more tooing and froing than actual care.

We also do really need the extra money.  It would really help.

So with that and my big blogging ideas and this pro blogging offer…..Am I taking too much on?  Should I step back a bit here…Am I losing my perspective?

What is important to me.

I don’t know.

My kids for sure.

But money…absolutely.

With the being paid to blog or building some sort of business around blogging…..that is a lot of ego stroking really.  A lot of ‘wouldn’t THAT be cool’ sort of thing.  Perhaps I don’t want CH to be the only creative dude in the family.

But should I care!

See?  I could go on and on like this.