Review – Babyproofing Your Marriage

While trailing behind the rest of the blogworld here, I did manage to finally receive the book and read – Babyproofing Your Marriage by Stacie Cockrell, Cathy O’Neill and Julia Stone.

Thank you BlogHer and thank you Harper Collins for including me in your Virtual Book Tour.

The book has received a lot of good buzz and the authors seem like very honest and real folks.

I have to admit, however, that I am not a fan of ‘self help’ or ‘real life’ books. When I was first married and struggling with the whole shell shocked feel of married life, I picked up a few ‘recommended’ titles.

I couldn’t read them. I dislike the format these books tend to follow. I find it very hard to hang on and pay attention to what they are saying. I tend to zone out and skip through a lot. The total opposite of what the format is supposed to do.

This book follows the same typical format. It is filled with short, punchy paragraphs, bolding, cute pictures, and lots of quotes from ‘real people.” Everything is spelled out in short and easy to read ‘bites’ so you can pick it up and put it down without really losing the train of thought. It also uses humour to help soften the issues they are discussing. And that is great.

Each punchy paragraph outlines the various issues new parents face when dealing with each other and a baby. Parental roles, me time, sex and so on. Each paragraph and section and new chapter gives the feeling that they are building up to something really earth shattering. I keep reading with the feeling that they are going to finish with a HUGE REVELATION. But they don’t.

And that is not necessarily a bad thing. They are following the format of “that” type of book.

But does it really help?

I can’t really fault the book for much on the surface. The topic IS a big deal and DOES affect pretty much every single couple out there. And that is what is nice about the book. The authors are very open in sharing their own stories, faults and foilbles as well as honestly looking at the why’s behind these ‘quirks.’ I think it is a great relief for most women to find that they are not alone in their daily struggles.

The tone of the book and the honesty is a great lesson in itself. Relax. Laugh if you can. Things can fixed.

But. (insert music of doom here)

After discussing this with my husband, I realized that while we had and do experience many of the communication troubles discussed in the book, it still did not speak to me, nor did it speak to him.

The book tends to fall to certain ‘stereotypes’ and I am sure that this was mainly due to their own lifestyles and the ‘common’ marriage/parental set up out there, and the need to reach a wide audience. This consists of: Full time working man married to either a Stay at Home Mom or a Working Mom, and owning a home that is most likely in the suburbs.

But my husband doesn’t play golf or watch sports or work out of the home Monday to Friday.

We don’t live in the ‘burbs and I am not an isolated SAHM or a Working mom. Nor do I have a group of mommy friends to fall back on for help or advice.

I suddenly realized why there is ‘zines like Babble and that I did actually relate more to that ‘hipster’ label than what was being portrayed in this book.

He does not ‘escape’ on weekends to play golf. He doesn’t sit down on a Sunday to watch Football. Maybe to play Xbox…but I didn’t see that really mentioned in the book.

This does not mean that we are one of those couples who communicate and work smoothly and effortlessly together in our marriage and parenting. Oh no, far from it. I will say again, I have and do experience MANY of the problems mentioned in the book, and agree somewhat with most of the solutions.

I just felt that I really couldn’t embrace the ideas or the cutesy humour or see myself in there.

But the gist of the book is fine and does work for all parents out there.

What is the message? Communication is Key. Men and Women ARE hardwired differently. Culture and society has a big role in that as well as just how our genders function and view the world. We are different.

We both have to realized that and respect that and work with it.

Resentment has no place in a good healthy marriage.

No matter what sort of lifestyle you lead.

My dear blogger buddy cronznet at Ripple Effect has a sad look at the state of marriage.  Check it out.
Technorati Tags: babyproofing your marriage, blogher, harper collins, babble, hip parents

powered by performancing firefox