When Caity was born, I was surprised to have a girl. With a family overloaded with boy cousins and second cousins, Adam was no surprise to me. A delight yes, but his gender no.
For the first two years of her life, gender really didn’t come into play. She was Caity and she was her own person and STRONG personality. Sure we enjoyed buying cutesy outfits and so on, but we didn’t go mad for pink.
Neither of us felt that we had to feel or act differently about having a little girl. Though I do think Crunchy Husband was a bit more ambivalent and unsure of his role with a daughter vs. a son. I did not love her more or less than our little man. Though our feelings were tested by her sleepless nights and her refusal to be set down anywhere out of our arms. Not to mention her screaming and temper.
However, now that she is creeping closer to age three, the inner girl and inner girlishness has started to creep in.
She is really really cute. She has lovely eyes and soft skin and the expression that range across her tiny face are hypnotic.
The screams are turning into squeals and she is learning about how to wrap her daddy around her little chubby fingers. She really knows how to turn on the charm.
We watch this in amazement.
Currently, the new fad is all things pretty and all things that make HER pretty.
This boggles us because again, we have never made a big deal about girly girl vs big boy stuff. We let them play with what they want and try to steer clear of stereotyping in our language with them. Our neutrality has never worked though. Adam was a car man from the moment he could pick those suckers up and stuff them in his mouth. He is mister Dinosaur too
Caity is now heavily into MY makeup and whatever jewelery she can find. She knew a diamond on sight after spotting all the People’s commercials over the Christmas season. She now spends her days festooned in plastic necklaces and bangles. NOW she lets us do her hair in bunches and won’t take em out. This from a girl who wouldn’t let me even BRUSH her weird and wacky hair for two years. Pretty works for her. It seems to be a powerful tool. I am not sure how I feel about that.
I get a strange feeling of deja vu when she plays with her baby dolls and my little ponies. Watching this innate maternal play brings back a lot of memories. She loves hauling out all my pots and pans and with the help of some cheerios, cooks us dinner. I did that too.
It is a strange feeling to think that with a daughter, I am not just a ‘mom,’ but I am also of the same gender and therefore we will share things in common with being a woman. I feel more of a pressure of needing her to like me as she grows older. It seems more of a worry with her. With Adam, we have a different bond or connection. It just is.
It is so strange. The feminist in me rages at my gushing over ‘girlish’ mannerisms and play, while the girl child in me is filled with love and giggles and the urge to buy every freaking Barbie in the Lower Mainland.
My husband is just as bad. I watch him fall head over heels in love with this little creature. He is entranced. The more girly she is the more of a sucker he becomes.
I feel so guilty for loving her pretty looks and girlish nature. I feel bad for the way it clutches at my heart strings.
This is NOT how we are supposed to be thinking about our modern girl power daughters is it?
Why is this happening? Why am I so engrossed in the femaleness of my daughter?
With baby #2 being a girl as well, it would seem that I will only have girls. I was raised in an all-female family as well, so at least I feel comfortable raising girls.
Some of our “girly” traits are what make us who we are. Sure, the genders should be equal, but there’s no reason girls can’t have a tendancy towards special traits, and boys have a tendancy towards equally special traits. Or maybe you feel this way because we grew up in a time with less pressure to not make girls into “girly-girls”, and so we want to share some of our own childhood with our girls. Dressing up and putting on jewelry and make-up are part of being a girl. There’s also plenty of time to teach them to be assertive, proud of their accomplishments, and smart as well.
Of course, this is coming from someone who has the most un-girly girl around. Maybe Caity could teach Cordy a thing or two about accessories? 🙂
hey, she can always grow up to be powerful CEO of her pink paint corporation, right? you’ve seen how sometimes being a girl can be an excuse for people to treat us badly, but teaching her assertiveness and teaching her to plait barbie hair aren’t exclusive.
Assertive is one thing we don’t need to teach her.
Toning it down..perhaps.
She is one freaking force of nature. Nothing stand in her way.
today she did not get dressed. Is in a pajama top and that is it.
NOTHING would convince her otherwise.
I never had notions about boys and girls being one way or another, and I truly believed you can try and socialize them to be “the same” all you want and you’d just be like sisyphus pushing a rock up a hill.
However, as a person who barely combs my hair and forgets to apply makeup when going out on “special” occasions, I was pretty stunned when my daughter started in with the “pretty.” I still go back and forth on how I’m supposed to think, but I think I’m coming to the conclusion that we (ourselves) have belittled what it is to be a “girl.” Wanting to be pretty becomes a bad thing, when perhaps it should be a good thing within reason. We should be proud of our looks and the way we carry ourselves, but it shouldn’t be foremost on our minds.
Having had preconceived notions about raising a child in some sort of gender-nuetral fashion, I was rather stunned by what a guy my son is. Even to the point that one day when he was about five months old I took him out to look at flowers–and he kept leaning around me to look at whatever car or truck passed by! Yet, today he wanted “lip lotion” as he refers to lipstick, so maybe each kid goes through lots of phases. They are who they are, and I now believe that all we can do is try to keep them safe and facilitate their learning about whatever interests them.
My first was a girl and my husband was scared to death. But once he got used to it he loved her girliness. She’s so femme it’s not even funny.
But my boy was a shock to me. I expected him to be somewhat like my daughter as a child and he sure as heck put me in my place! He’s so aggressively BOY! My daughter is my cautious child and never strayed too far but my son has no fear at all. I mean at all! I don’t know if it’s second child syndrome or a boy-girl thing, but I am always amazed at how different they are.
Long time no crunchy-ville visit. Sorry. My daughter, now nearing 2.5, has my husband wrapped. She gets all his attention and affection. She is the center and my sons orbit around the two of them. Your daughter is as adorable as you describe her.
I loved that post. As a mother of a son and a daughter I can agree with your statements 100%. I think that we have different connections with our children, no matter what the gender. I think that we bond differently with them b/c they have different personalities as well. I feel closer to my little girl. She was our first born, though and somehow I feel that is my bond. That she was my first, my baby, etc. But, her personality is So different from my son that it’s not even funny! I love ’em both but they do have very different personailties!!
I love it! Beautiful post. Embrace who she is whether she’s a girl or not she can still be a welder or doctor or hair dresser or whatever she wants to be.
great post crunchy. i can’t get over how much she looks like you!
I think that there is nothing better than a kid who knows what he/she likes and a parent who lets them be it.
You guys are doing such a great job with them both Kerry, girly and boy-ee(lol)both!
Isn’t it great having a girl? I know I love the girly-girly quality of my daughter, and although I’m sure it would be great even if I had a boy, I can’t imagine not having a girl. I want to help her understand what it means to be a girl and the things to watch out for as a girl. In fact, already attempting to help her with her girl self-esteem now, and she’s not yet 3. I’m in heaven with her!
Sugar and spice and everything nice…
Hugs,
Michelle