Sleep is for the Weak

September 5, 2011 by 4 Comments

Tomorrow is the first day of school.   However my kids could not care less since they found out that they are only there for 45 minutes.  In their minds they can therefore stay up late as usual and just be tired AFTER they finish up.

This is not working for me.

While I have loved the hedonistic free for all that summer is at the House of Crunch, sleep sucks enough around here.   Forced routine of that evil institution is the only excuse us slacker parents have for forcing them upstairs before 9pm.  They are only 7 and 9 fer Pete’s sake. Their fun filled evenings also make it hard to convince Tara that at two she NEEDS to go to sleep before we do.

Sleep is a bit of a joke around here.  We tend to look at the kids rooms as merely places to dump toys.  Nobody (apart from Tara so far) really ever sleeps in their own beds…not for very long anyway.

I like to think of us a reverse co sleepers.

However the exhausting arguments EVERY SINGLE NIGHT about who gets to sleep where and me sitting on my bed shrieking NO NO NO NO YOU ARE NOT SLEEPING IN HERE is not conducive to a relaxing bedtime routine.    When I rabidly chase them both out of my bedroom and shut the door to their mutinous mutterings, the whispered giggling mounts up.  Caity has not muttered herself into HER bed.  She is now laying beside Adam in HIS bed.  They are reading.  They resemble some sort of shrunken couple as they comment on some point or other that their Complete Guide to Pokemon Domination has show them.

I am halfway to just buying a full size mattress for them to use.  But then how long is this happy brother sister sleep situation going to last for them? Or  more to the point, when does the happy brother sister sleep situation get creepy?

As an only child, I boggle at how these two can fight so viciously, call each other terrible names, yet happily and lovingly pool together for the sake of company and comfort in what is obviously a cold and callous household.

That’s right. MOM and DAD don’t always want to share our bed with two kids and a dog.  We are only just thankful that Tara hasn’t twigged about all this yet.

The bed is not big enough.   My patience is not big enough.

On top of that..these kids need real sleep.   Adam gets weepy when he is over tired.   He gets overstimulated too.   He finds it VERY hard to wind down for the night.  Caity just can’t let things go till she just crashes out.

This makes for aggravating nights and very tough mornings.  I am not looking forward to dragging grouchy kids up in the am once again.

I would love to know if other siblings enjoy sharing their beds as much as mine do. Especially those of opposite genders.

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Child Safety – FAIL!

May 27, 2010 by 5 Comments

As part of the Rocky Sleep Study control group…we were to discuss safety for our darling bundles.   I think we are doing it wrong…

no photos please

And she took a small tumble down the stairs too….I was beyond rushing and she shook it off.  Hmmm

where are you going?

That is what sleep deprivation does.

However…this weekend was really the first time I have TOTALLY lost it…to the point where I just couldn’t even have her in the house…I needed silence. I needed rest and so did the family.  I tearily called mom to TAKE HER AWAY and she did..for a couple of hours….and we slept.  In silence.

In ten months..that really isn’t bad.

I don’t know what psychological disaster has created my mindset over this child.

Mom was pointing out that she felt she didn’t know Tara as well as the others.  That she hadn’t done all the stuff she had done with them…especially Adam.  She was around the boy almost 24/7 helping us from the start.  We really sucked as new parents.

She looked after him in the mornings when I went back to work part time.

I realized that from the start, I have felt some sort of weird ‘duty’ to be the ‘one’.’  The one who does it all..who bears the weight and brunt of the no sleep, the crying, the clingyness and so on.    I have felt that I HAD to show everyone I could do it..could manage her and the kids.

For some reason I have felt more judged over this one than others..when the judgement isn’t there.

Or is there…I know Patrick prayed for a kid who would be mellow and sleep…and we got the total opposite.   I have taken this personally for some reason.  Like I did this….so therefore then I feel this need to keep her away from negative people or feelings.  To hold her to myself and not show her little baby flaws.

Where is the therapy when you need it right?

I know this has caused me to be more withdrawn..more insular.    Instead of sharing her and asking for help….I feel bad to do so…even though my mom LEAPS to my rescue at the slightest word.  And so does Patrick….I know he hurts to see me not speak of how I am dealing.  But I don’t want him to resent her.

She is so beautiful and happy…she just doesn’t sleep.  And screams about it too.  Rather loudly.

Caity gets upset about the thought of our little Scott.  She also gets upset at the thought that perhaps Tara would not exist if Scott was with us.  This is big stuff for a 5 year old.

Perhaps I feel Tara has to be extra perfect to stand up to the dream baby that Scott is……was.

Shy and retiring she is not.

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Dear Family: “Why Don’t You SLEEP!!??”

March 23, 2010 by 8 Comments

I am a bit of a light sleeper. This has done me no good these long years with a husband who can on occasion, snore quite loudly.   It has been made worse by the fact that the cats and dog also snore.

Having three children has made things worse.

Honestly, I can’t remember the last time IN MY LIFE that I slept more than four hours at a stretch.

Sleep is probably the biggest thing we suck at here at the House of Crunch.  Yes there are many many other parental suckages…but this one is probably to BLAME for all the other suck moments and issues.

Don’t get me started on the nightly war with Adam to eat ANYTHING on his plate and then explain AGAIN why he can’t have ice cream for dessert when he DID NOT EAT ANY OF THE DINNER I MADE!

Sigh.

When Adam was a baby, we did all the worried new parent things.  We read too much.  We fretted too much.  We refused to leave him alone.  EVER.

We drove him around the city at night.  I would rock him to sleep.  Then Patrick WALKED him to sleep.  Then, in toddlerhood, we LAY down with him to sleep.

To this day he STILL asks almost every night if  someone will please sleep with him.  He even gets his poor sister roped into this comfort issue.

SHE was a bad sleeper.   She would GO to sleep..at night, no problem.  Napping was hell though and she lived in her bouncy chair on a dryer till she would doze off.   She would also never STAY asleep.

Two hour stretches.

This was not good.

I recall queuing up the dvd player for long nights when I sat in the rocker in the dark with Caity draped across my shoulder.

I recall many late nights when we watched the really crappy stuff they put on late night on Treehouse TV.

School age has not been much better.   There is always one or two of them creeping into our bed, shoving dogs and cats out of their way, and usually one of us ‘rents too, who can’t take the elbows or knees and flees to either the couch or one of the kids beds.

Musical beds.

Musical beds that have gotten STUPID with the arrival of Tara.  Who also will not sleep.  Ever.

We have tried her in our bed.  We have tried in her bassinet beside our bed.  Then I just gave up and moved her to the crib in Caity’s room and told Caity that if she cried, to just come and join us.    Together we try to ignore the cries, protests and general unrest that emanates from the crib.   All made worse now that she is upright.    Now she will get up and stand their in the crib waiting for someone to notice her.

Yawn.

And yes….I tried the ‘No Cry Sleep Solution’….we sort of do it with Tara…but frankly, we are so freaking tired that I am beyond any ‘patient’ training.

I just don’t care anymore about her ‘feelings’…cruel and harsh as that sounds.   I love her.  Adore her.  But at night…

These nights it is get up, comfort, sort blankets, give a little bottle and stumble back to bed.  Repeat.  Over and over and over and over with little variation.

It is all we can really do.  We are now just focusing in how we can get her back to sleep without disturbing the whole house.

I am beyond feeling tired anymore.  It is routine now.

Don’t get me started on the dog and ‘lets shake my collar REALLY LOUD’  in the middle of the night because mommy forgot to take it off.

What is pissing me off is that now the kids have a new weapon in their arsenal of not going to sleep when we tell them too.

Now they use poor Tara for an excuse to just get in our bed.   ‘OH MOM, we can’t POSSIBLY sleep in our own beds!’  ’The baby is making WAY too much noise.’  This when their is actual silence from the crib.

Getting these two kids to bed is now a total joke.

We start the warning countdown to bed around 7:30 on school nights.

We warm them up gently to teeth, pj’s etc.   We promise books either read by us or for them to read on their own if they ‘hurry up.’

It all means squat to them.

As soon as we say good night….the whole circus of talking to each other, going from room to room, picking new books, getting drinks of water and so on, goes on and on and on.

More and more I sound like a walking cliche…”Don’t make me go up there!’ I holler!!!

Sigh.

Again.

Honestly, I could handle the nights of Tara better IF my family went to bed and left me the fuck alone for like two hours, so I can watch some crappy  tv, eat some junk and wind down ON MY OWN!

I am even highly suspicious right now to how or where they are asleep.  It is quiet.  Got quiet around 9:30.   I don’t dare look to see where everyone ended up sleeping.

Usually the only way I can get them to give up on the chatter is for me to go up and glare at them from my own bed.

At 9 pm.

Come ON!!!?

There was a war here…..and the children have clearly won it.

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Tiny and Terrible

March 2, 2010 by 9 Comments

Having three kids is a bit crazy.  2010 052 Things all take a bit longer and are a bit more complicated when you add a third kid……room in cars for car seats, room in house for cribs and beds, seats at restaurants, hands to hold, and so on.

Throwing a baby into any dynamic always causes a bit of an adjustment.  Just getting out of the house takes a bit longer.  Things are forgotten.  Children that once relied on YOU to remind THEM to bring stuff, soon find out they are shit outta luck.

I growl at mine that they are lucky I remember to feed them.2010 060

Tara has made things maybe a bit more crazy than other babies.     And I have realized that she was doing this even before she was born.

She was breech.  She refused to not sit up!  Her favorite  position in utero was upright…straight up and down…legs curled around.  And that is pretty much the way she wanted to and could sit at an extremely early age.2010 056

So there went my dreams of an home birth.  I don’t think my husband or my mom really took me seriously about this.   But I was serious.  Caity had come hard and fast, so I really wasn’t looking forward to a race to the hospital again.   Also, I was deeply concerned about the kids.   I didn’t want them left at home.  I didn’t want them NOT being a part of this.

So Tara refusing to turn was a big let down for me.  For sure I had very confident midwives who had done breeches..and I suppose if I hadn’t lost Scott, I wouldn’t have been so skittish about that and just gone with their instinct on the whole thing.

But they knew I was uneasy about that.  So instead they TRIED to find doctors in the Lower Mainland who would be willing to deliver a breech baby.   They are few and far between.   They had a couple lined up…but again….really all now depended on what Tara wanted to do.2010 062

By this time the stress of it all was getting to me.  I was at the point where I just really wanted her OUT and SAFE and it all over and done with.

So when I realized my labour was on the clock….leading up to the end of the willing doctors shift…..I was more than resigned to the inevitable c-section.

Therefore, apart from all the fun of what was a ‘useless’ few hours of contractions….I was pretty calm about it all.  And so was Patrick.

However..my children and my mom were not.     My mom, who had just been freaking from day one was freaking the kids out and they all felt cut off and left out and I hated that I could not make Tara’s delivery a better experience for them.

So that has been our T. 2010 055

Full of joy.  Full of energy.

She never sleeps longer than two hours.  EVER.

She never sits still.

She doesn’t fall asleep in your arms.

She wiggles.  She bounces.  She yells.

She moves.

I will sell my soul for someone out there who can help us get this child to sleep.

She is almost 8 months old. 2010 054

I am losing my mind.

My total lack of sleep is KILLING all the joy that should be had in having such a fun and crazy baby.

Life feels on hold instead of being relished and enjoyed.

The whole family is cranky from disturbed sleep.    Everyone is woken by Tara.    All night long.

This is not healthy for any of us.

We love our little girl, but she needs to sleep. Four hours would rock. I then could handle and enjoy all her crazy energy and still feel like could accomplish something during my day and not have the entire Sauriol clan growling and snarking at each other.

Go to sleep little T. 2010 058

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To Sleep…EVER????

February 3, 2010 by 5 Comments

So my kids don’t sleep.

Adam is a night owl.  Like his dad.  Would MUCH prefer staying up all night long.

Both are BEARS then to get up early in the morning…THOUGH the both seem to have internal clocks that still wake them around 7:30 no matter HOW late they were up.

This can make for really grouchy kids.

Tara sleeps…but only in two hour increments.  We have had the odd three and four hour miracle..but not much.  She is successfully following along in the tradition of being a total pain when it comes to bed time.

What  I find interesting is my perception of this….how I deal with it with each subsequent child.

Adam was our first! Our little prince among princes.  We jumped and gasped and worried at every hitch in his breathe…not a cry was allowed to pass his dainty lips.

Daddy dutifully walked him to sleep every night when we found that only that would do.

This was after stretches in swings, the stroller and the car.

We read every book on sleep and baby behavior religiously.

Caitlyn didn’t want to sleep either.   Only the bouncy seat ON, sitting on the dryer ON would work for any stretch.

She also wouldn’t be put down…ever.   She lived on me.    Or the vibrating bouncy seat.

I would sit up at night rocking her into the wee small hours.   Thank God for our large DVD collection.

We tried it all.  The cereal in the bottles.  Huge feeds before bedtime.  Soothing baths…..swaddling, unswaddling, co sleeping, alone sleeping…you name it, we have probably tried it.

When we started to get really squirrely we thought we might try that ‘sleep training’ thing they were all talking about.

I seem to recall sitting outside her door, the both of us in TEARS listening to her crying…I think she cried for maybe 5 minutes.  Ever.

This probably explains why my first children seem to have such huge cases of self entitlement.

Tara is getting a slightly different experience.

Not that she isn’t fussed and coddled over any less. Probably MORE with her doting siblings.

But while she is another non sleeper…she has her own style and pattern different again from the first two.

She isn’t one for being held and does not often now fall asleep in your arms.   At 6.5 months she is pretty programmed at falling asleep in either the crib, the bassinet or the car seat.

I can count on one hand the times she has fallen asleep in the stroller.  The outside world is WAAAY too exciting for our little T.

So with T, I do a little snuggle and a feed and then bundle her up in the crib.  Give her a little bit more of her bottle and then walk away with just some lullabies playing for her….or the radio.  That works too.

She does cry.   But it no longer stabs me in the heart.   And I can tell the cry of really needing mommy and I will come rushing.

So she fusses a bit and falls asleep on her own and she seems to like it that way.

Am I a bad mom for this?  I am sure some will say so.   But she is happy when I put her down and happy when I go into see her.

Has parenting three kids through sleepless nights hardened my heart?  Maybe just a tad.  I can walk away in the middle of the night and be more focused on finding some blessed sleep instead of wringing my hands in anguish and guilt over her cries.

Is it because I am older?  Not wiser for sure….

I don’t feel cruel.  I adore Tara.  We feel so blessed by her presence.   She is a happy exuberant baby and we all feed on her joy.

She just doesn’t sleep enough.  My instincts tell me to just go with what works for now..and try try try to convince her that more than two hours would be a FABULOUS idea!

Mommy is losing her mind.

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Lost Causes

January 13, 2010 by 9 Comments

Caity came up to me today and asked about writing a letter to Santa.
I sort of slapped down this idea and told her that she really would have to wait till closer to NEXT Christmas. She patiently let me ramble on and the clarified her thoughts for me.

Apparently she wanted to talk to Santa about this Christmas. She felt bad, she told me, because Adam didn’t get a BIG present and she did. She wanted to complain to the big man about this as she thought it wasn’t fair.

Now big for Caity was her Barbie house. Now I know what you are thinking, especially after she keeps telling EVERYONE that she got a HUGE Barbie house. She did not. In fact, we found the SMALLEST Barbie abode we could and were very proud of ourselves for that. But according to her THAT was a BIG gift and the bazillion EXPENSIVE video games that Adam got did not count because they were to diminutive in size.

First, I LOVE that this has weighed upon her little head. That she wanted to speak to the man in red on behalf of her brother is really sweet.

But second, it again shows you just how little the concept of money really means to kids. No matter, really, how hard you try to impress the value of money or how expensive something is…it is really abstract to a child.

For a five year old size does matter and is the only thing that counts. Hence why she and her brother tend to leap for the biggest candy bar in the store instead of maybe buying TWO smaller one’s.

Adam, at seven, is just starting to see this logic. Thank you teachers of math at school!

Speaking of Adam. Both my kids have been REALLY bad at going to sleep and it is really starting to show. Especially in Adam who is more emotional than me, which is kind of scary. You never know what is going to set him of. Caity just becomes very waspish the sleepier she gets.

So, every time I ask Adam to say pick up laundry or make his bed it usually causes a huge and teary break down and ‘oh the world is cruel’ episode.

I am tiring of this quickly. Which, I will admit, makes me a bit petty! GASP!

So I must admit to gloating a tad when I found the remote for Adams tv, which he claimed last night to be missing. Even last night I TOLD him it was not missing…that it was sitting on his bedside table as usual, but just buried under the pillows that always get pushed off his bed. He vehemently denied this. I told him to go look as I had just seen it there. ‘ooooh no, mom, I looked.’

Oh well. Daddy even offered 5 bucks to him if he found it.

Guess who got the five bucks.

Well I found it….exactly where I said it was.

I had gone in to check on him after being up with Tara for the 54th time and pushed the pillows back onto his bed and there it was. So I put it on the telus box and left it.

Only this am our wonder boy then proudly proclaimed to his dad that he had FOUND the remote!!

WTF! No way! That $5 is mine!

Explained to Crunchy Dad the TRUE story and claimed my smug little prize…while my poor boy wailed and moaned about it all.

Oooh the unfairness of it all.

Anything…ANYTHING to help get it into his brain about cleaning up.

Mind you…..the inability to ‘find’ things seems to be genetic on the BOYS side of this family and I am constantly ‘finding’ stuff for Crunch Dad too.

And how do I do that? How do I, even when this house is at its messiest should-be-on-hoarders disaster, am I the one who usually knows exactly where the missing item is!!???

Is that my super power?

You tell me.

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