Oh thank goodness.

In a stupid place that I didn’t think to look in because I thought it was too small a space.

For Red and Lor

Right …sorry…..was driven off my computer by kids wanting to play NickJr.

Ok…Adam found this little backpack with ‘explorer stuff’ as he calls it at Value Village.

So yeah..I didn’t think it would be there.

So I am up in Adam’s room yakking on the phone to my mom…rocking on the rocker and watching a naked Caity play with some weird magnetic toy and trying to convince her to get dressed at the same time.

I glance again at the backpack.  Then look closer - all the while talking to my mom - and there it is.

I left it in there and waited till Adam came home from school to show him where it was all along and WHY HE HAD NOT REMEMBERED THIS A WEEK AGO!

He even had the nerve to answer that ‘HE HAD FOUND IT’ when I asked him about WHO FOUND THE BLOODY BLANKET????  Cos it was still in the bag mommy. 

that on my laptop the pop up comment boxes are NORMAL and I can post comments to my fave blogger blogs…BUT on my big computer with my BIG pretty monitor I get teeny one’s that I can’t open?????

WHYYYYYYYY

Ok..I think I found a way around it as I am not techie enough to be playing with javascripts and all that.  If I open the comments up in a new tab….THEN I can get at them.

Phew

First…I do have some photos from the infamous Burns Supper. A tradition with my mom and her crazy friends that I and my crazy friends got roped into…we are always game for scotch and plaid!

Note..there are no photos of me. Hmmmmmm

This is some of the lassies!

Mom rambling on about reekin innards and all that.

The wee beastie itself. Yummy!

And we actually had snow. Not a lot. And it sure hasn’t lasted very long this year. But we did get out for an afternoon of tobogganing and fun.

Duh I don’t know what this stuff is?

But my best friend is out in it too and we are having soooooo much fun.

Who knew a giant mutt and a wee Jack Russell could be best friends!

It is now a dark and rainy and windy night and so we will be faced with slush tomorrow. Much more Vancouver’s style.

I seriously don’t know why I buy snow pants and boots for the kids except that our local zellers seems to love selling snow gear over rain gear. I have never found rain pants there. Snow pants…nooo problemo.

Oh and I didn’t talk too much about my therapy session…..it was good. I was really glad that CH came too and we had a good cry and just talked about all the stuff going on in our lives. She went on that she thought we were doing a great job communicating with each other, which is funny considering the HUGE fight we had a couple of weeks ago. But it was good.

We joked that after the session we should have had a pretend argument right outside her window after all that lovey dovey stuff.

CH is still stressing about work and so on…..but what can I do except be there to let him rant.

We still have not found the Dee Dee Blanket.

I am all ‘aw shucks’ over this.   Barb/Skittles is one of the nicest sweetest ladies I have ‘met’ in the blogging world.  She even called me to say hi!  How cool is that!

Her sight is great.  Between real honest insights into her own life, she fills the blog with fun and laughs….and always food for thought.

I tend to lurk there too much instead of posting…but I hope she knows I am always checking in to see how she is doing.

Thank you my friend.

I am a bit stumped about who to pass this award onto though.  I am in awe of soooo many bloggers out there.  I should go to Mother Woman though, as it was because of her blog that I started on this adventure.

But there is also Redneck Mommy who makes me laugh and cry and also be jealous of her  great writing style.

There is Queen of Spain for her passion and for getting so fired up about issues, that she gets me going.

There is WhimsicalBrainPan for her raw honesty about the amazing ups and downs she has endured.

I honestly could list my whole blogroll here.  Every time I read someone’s blog…it either inspires me, saddens me, cheers me up, makes me think, give me new ideas and so on.

I am in awe of the many great writers out there.  I wish I could write such amazing stuff…but I can’t and this is what you get.

Thank you all!

It means  - SNOW!  But not enough for a snow day.  Boo.

(I do have photos - will pick up my computer from repair shop tomorrow..promise)

It means  - WE STILL HAVEN’T FOUND THE FARKING BLANKET!

Jeeeeezeeus.

It means - THERAPY!  Whoo hoo. I love that I am an adult who is on anti depressants and goes to therapy.  How craptastic is that!  But Crunchy Husband came too and it was therapeutic for us both.   Maybe cathartic is a better word.

It means - Consoling over-tired kid when it was discovered that little ex daycare snot boy STOLE the carrot from MY child’s snow man.   If no one had been looking the kid would have been EATING that snowman.

It means -Being choked that I don’t have photos of NANA going down hills on toboggan with grandkids.

It means - I actually wrote a good story on WetCoast..no really go read it.

Adam has lost Dee Dee blanket.

This is very very bad.

But the thing is…it HAS to be in the house.  We didn’t leave the house all weekend except for my stagger over to my mom’s on Saturday night.

Dee Dee was with him when he got up on Sunday morning and now we can’t find the bloody farking thing anywhere.

Adam will not go to sleep without it.  He is starting to freak out now.

Where could it be!!

or does eating a tube of Pringles cancel that out?

Just asking.

I do have SOME photos of the Robbie Burns extravaganza at my mom’s place on Saturday.

I do.. but loading photos onto my laptop is a total bitch, so it will have to wait.

It was a lot of fun though and REALLY good food.  And thank you mommy for the Glenlivet too.  Yum.

There was readings of ‘A Sair Finger’ and ‘To a Ferte’  as well as the great ‘Ode to a Haggis’  as the knife was plunged into it ‘reekin innards.’

Much plaid was to be worn too.

It was nice to have a good laugh.

Otherwise it was a quiet weekend.  I have a cold again, so I attempted to take it easy.

It is cold and a bit snowy and icy here too.   Poor Adam is going nuts because there is STILL not enough for tobogganing.

And that means a follow up visit to the doc for any results on what the hell happened.

But she doesn’t have much results back yet and preliminary impressions now were NOT placental abruption.      Also, they thought that the baby looked a little small for the developmenal stage, which we thought odd since he had been fine at the 20 week ultrasound.

The doctor really had no answers for us, except ‘act of God’ type of things…but figured that my illness and the pneumonia no doubt had something to do with it all.  That I could have indeed coughed the placenta away from the wall.  Great.

She did a pap on me and wants to send me for more blood work, including chromosomal stuff for both Crunchy Husband and myself and to send us of to some sort of specialist to see if HE has any more ideas….basically a second opinion, I suppose.

In her mind we should be jumping back on the saddle and going for it again.  Clock ticking and all that.

I am torn up about this.  On one hand, sure great….if all the doctors give us the all clear AND promise to watch and monitor my progress a lot better, then yes sure, I still want a baby.  I feel so lost and cheated out of my little baby.

But on the other hand.   I feel like shit that little Scott is then nothing more than a ‘mistake’ that we learn from.  I feel that I was the bad one.  That it was my fault that I got pregnant then…at the worse time.  A time filled with stress and anguish and between dealing with my dying mother in law and a grieving husband PLUS taking on the extra kids and the stress and mental upheavals I was going through.   It was not the best of times for me in hindsight.

Everything is filled with too much ‘I shoulda’s.’   I shoulda paid more attention to all the aches and pains.  Been MORE worried.  Been MORE aware.  When my cough was bad I should NOT have waited so long.  I waited only because I was trying to be a grown up about it.  You know, a professional pregnant woman.  Not one who freaks at every twinge or non twinge for that matter.   But I should have.  I should have listened to my intuition and gut feelings.

I short changed this child in a HUGE way.

I mean really, should someone suffering depression be even THINKING of taking on another child?  Some days I can barely handle the one’s I have without losing it.   Should someone who clearly CAN lose it and fall into that pit be responsible for another life?  Should I not just be focusing on the family I have?  Focusing on making the life we have better?

Should I not be satisfied with the two amazing and healthy children that I do have?

Big stuff.  Heavy stuff.

I did however…..look great today…according to CH in my new Eddie Bauer duds.

And today is Robbie Burns Day.  Tomorrow my mom is having a wee celebration for her friends with much tartan and of course a wee steamin haggis!

Luckily I managed to find a plaid skirt at Value Village and wait till you see the fab PINK outfit Caity found WITH fuzzy pink poncho.   Photos will for sure follow.

I need to find a wee dram o’ Scotch for tomorrow I am thinking.

Despite CH and I fighting MORE colds we headed out to get his passport.

We only had to wait an hour, which was pretty good and no problems either.

Because we were giddy about being out without the kids we took a stroll through Birks Jewellers and I picked out a nice $12000 diamond ring which would do me fine.  Sigh.

Then, because CH was high on cold meds he took me shopping for new makeup - Macs - got myself dolled up.  And then we hit Eddy Bauer which has improved again and had LOADS of nice things….which CH bought me.

Wheee  I like cold medicine.

And my neighbour took Adam with them for their afternoon hike!

Yay!

And Caity is happy drinking hot chocolate with a spoon.

All is good today.

Goodness.